This Sunday I’m off to The Women of Letters at the Adelaide Fringe. I wasn’t invited to be on the panel, because well… I’m no Wendy Harmer (winks). I love the whole idea of it, so thought I’d write my own letter. This is it.

A Letter to The Thing I Dream Of 

Dear Cock,

This letter is for you. And no, I’m not talking about the rooster variety – I am talking about a long, hard schlong. Cock, I dream of you often.

Sometimes I dream of you in a sexual way, I mean if you like cock, why wouldn’t you? Sex dreams are the best. And for many women with kids all over the place (by this I mean kids in your bed, on your couch, on the pillow on the floor; yet rarely in their own bed asleep) it is very tricky to fit in a quicky. Often dreams of cocks are the only way you’re going to get a shag. Wet dreams may be slightly uncomfortable, but not as sticky as your children catching you in the act. So, in that way I applaud and love you, but don’t forget, you are interchangeable. And not everyone wants a piece of you, anyway.

You see Cock, the main reason I dream of you is that you and your kind keep getting in my business. Cocks like you are the reasons why women like me are still getting paid less, have inadequate representation in parliament and boardrooms and are still fighting for cheaper, more accessible childcare. I know we play a role in this too, it’s not all the cock’s fault, but statistically you are the biggest flagellator.

While you wave around at each other, measuring your own worth on the size and girth of your competitor, us with vaginas are still pushing ahead with our agendas. You keep shafting us. Cock you sure are being a big pain in the bum.

And while we are on the topic of getting in the way of change Cock, I want to address your judgement issues on breastfeeding, body image, motherhood, women drivers, PMS, cushion placements and leadership. I’d also appreciate it if you stopped trying to pit women against each. And for fucks sake, do not ever invade a woman’s personal, physical, mental or emotional space. Just because you get all bulbous, hard and your veins stand-out, does not mean you’re stronger than the rest of us. Behaviour like that means you’re just a teeny weenie – a pencil dick who needs to write a new rule book of decency.

I don’t want to generalize Cock, as there are those cocksure few who stand in solidarity with us, who have evolved into more than just their ego driven erections. There are cocks instigating change in real ways, not just token measures. I hold those close to my heart. For the rest, flaccidity is keeping the seeds of change at bay.

So Cock, get with the program. Stop being a one-eyed warrior. It’s time to man up.

Yours,

Bigwords x