This week I started my new job. The night before my first day I felt like I was going to vomit. Actually, the night before every day I feel like I’m going to vomit. As I type this, I feel queazy. I’m off to Melbourne for the week to meet the rest of work colleagues and the whole idea of it freaks me out. Leaving my babies, don’t get me started.
But you know what? As quickly as my fear builds up into a tight ball in my tummy, it subsides. This feeling of personal strength rises up within me. It’s like this whole forgotten part of me is returning. The “work” part of me is returning. I know I’ve worked over the past eight years, but it’s not been in an office or for a “boss” as such. I’ve worked for myself. I’ve been my own boss. I’ve been able to opt out of things if I felt nervous or overcome.
Now I’m finding myself in that familiar territory of having to prove myself to others again. Of having to rely on my smarts to problem solve. To suck it up and push through the nervousness. At the moment I’m still in the learning stage. You know it? The new kid stage of a new job and it’s a little terrifying.
I need to draw on my past to rediscover myself so I can step into the future with confidence. This will take time. And luckily I’m working with some wonderful people who are kind and not afraid to throw me in the deep end, while standing with a big rope to pull me out if I need it. I think this will be best for me. If I face every moment with quiet confidence while not being scared to ask for help, then I will learn faster. The quicker I learn, the quicker I’ll feel less nervous. I’m really looking forward to rediscovering that part of me I had before children, that part of me that believed I could do anything. The part of me that knew I could do it.
So while I may feel like vomiting at the thought of each new day, it’ll pass soon.
It’ll pass.
How do you deal with “new kid” nerves?
Bianca x
Hi, I'm Bianca Wordley, I write about life.
I cry. At work. Oh it’s great.
Not.
But as soon as I let it out and calm down, I’m fine.
Sounds like you’ve got this Bianca. Think of all the things you’ve learnt by not being in the traditional workforce that you csn share with those who have. Also, fake it till you make it is good to keep in mind x
I too recently started a new job, and whilst the nerves still kick in some days, mostly it’s a feeling of achievement that overwhelms me. That returning sense of self, the pre-mum me.
Good luck in Melbourne the week and sing out if you want to catch up for a coffee xx
Fake it til you become it! 🙂
I make sure I take LOT’S of notes… I write anything and everything down.
The adrenaline can be exhilarating & the anxiety debilitating- all at the same time. I did the same last year- went back to a highly stressed corporate role after 2 glorious years freelancing. You will get there.
I get such a nervous stomach and I’m so good at freaking myself out. I agree with taking plenty of notes, listening and asking lots of questions and a tiny element of faking it till you make it. And you my friend will not take long at all to truly make it in your new role. x