This week I started my new job. The night before my first day I felt like I was going to vomit. Actually, the night before every day I feel like I’m going to vomit. As I type this, I feel queazy. I’m off to Melbourne for the week to meet the rest of work colleagues and the whole idea of it freaks me out. Leaving my babies, don’t get me started.
But you know what? As quickly as my fear builds up into a tight ball in my tummy, it subsides. This feeling of personal strength rises up within me. It’s like this whole forgotten part of me is returning. The “work” part of me is returning. I know I’ve worked over the past eight years, but it’s not been in an office or for a “boss” as such. I’ve worked for myself. I’ve been my own boss. I’ve been able to opt out of things if I felt nervous or overcome.
Now I’m finding myself in that familiar territory of having to prove myself to others again. Of having to rely on my smarts to problem solve. To suck it up and push through the nervousness. At the moment I’m still in the learning stage. You know it? The new kid stage of a new job and it’s a little terrifying.
I need to draw on my past to rediscover myself so I can step into the future with confidence. This will take time. And luckily I’m working with some wonderful people who are kind and not afraid to throw me in the deep end, while standing with a big rope to pull me out if I need it. I think this will be best for me. If I face every moment with quiet confidence while not being scared to ask for help, then I will learn faster. The quicker I learn, the quicker I’ll feel less nervous. I’m really looking forward to rediscovering that part of me I had before children, that part of me that believed I could do anything. The part of me that knew I could do it.
So while I may feel like vomiting at the thought of each new day, it’ll pass soon.
How do you deal with “new kid” nerves?