I got on the scales for the first time in two months today and although I knew what to expect, I still cried when I saw the number. I’ve done it again. Lost lots of weight and put it all back on again, plus an extra five kilos. I’ve never been this big before and even my fat clothes are getting too tight. I think I’ve hit my rockbottom – again.
I know I’m more than my size. I know other people do not judge me as harshly as I judge myself. I know I am smart and funny and a good person. I just feel shitty. I’m just not ok with the way I’m looking and feeling at this weight. I’m being swallowed by my own fat which is suffocating the “real” me. It’s my problem, not anybody else’s. I sound like such a broken record that I’m going to keep this post short because seriously who wants to read what they’ve already read here before, over and over. I did it to my myself, so I need to pull myself out of my slump and get serious again.
So, despite feeling disheartened, I’m off to a catch up with some Adelaide bloggers I’ve never met and I’ll walk in confidently, while on the inside I beat myself up. And then I’ll probably come home and console myself with some junk food while looking at healthy recipes online (you, know like diet through osmosis). I’ve written a To Do list. I have a plan of attack. I know what I need to do. The only think stopping myself from achieving my goals is me.
I really hope I don’t let myself down again.