I’m pretty sure I’ve shrunk our clothes. It must be the hot days. As the summer sun bores down on the clothesline, my jeans and tops slowly get smaller. Maybe my clothes detergent has something to do with it? Or perhaps there really is such a thing as magic tailors who come into your house at night and make alterations to your t-shirts, so you have to stretch them out before popping them on in the morning. They sew all though the night, before disappearing before the sun wakes up.
When I pull my pants on I actually have to jump up and down to get them the pull up all the way. I also have to tuck my tummy in under the waist band. I stretch my tops out sideways and then pull them down at the front and back hems to make them a little larger, before slipping them over my head. And when I take selfies, which is often because I’m a narcissistic blogger, I have to stretch my arm out longer and angle my head a little to the side to try and disguise my extra chins.
I am expanding faster than it takes me to inhale a tub of Ben & Jerry’s ice cream. And that’s fast.
Last week, I talked about how I kept putting off getting back into a healthy routine, like I was waiting for the right time to be good to myself. I have a feeling the time has come. I can’t wait anymore.
The kids go back to school this week and we are all going to get back into a routine, rather than indulging in the lazy, blissfulness of school holidays. I have to set myself a goal and stick to it, even if it’s just getting to a point I can fit in my clothes again. That would be a good place to start.
So what do I need to do?
1) Write a list of what what I want to achieve.
2) Put exercise sessions in my diary so I have to keep appointments with myself.
3) Follow through by actually doing the exercise.
4) Write a meal plan and shop accordingly.
5) Get rid of all ice cream from my house so I don’t eat it at 11pm on the couch watching the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills.
6) Go to bed at a more reasonable time and wake up early to fit in all the things I’ve packed into my diary.
7) Be realistic and take a few things off my to-do list.
8) Be kind to myself, give myself a break and take things slow.
9) Laugh when dressing in the morning, it’s better than crying.
10) Love myself no matter how hard it is to squeeze into my pants.
11) And lastly, put some magic tailor poison down and kill those little fuckers who keep sewing up my clothes.
Does anyone know where to get magic tailor poison from?