Last week I wrote about meeting people who get me. People who I share things with online and when we see each other it’s like years of friendship squashed into hours. There’s something about putting everything out there for the universe and then meeting others who do the same. It’s comforting.
It came at a fabulous time. I’ve been feeling in need of a good catch up with like-minded people. But I always find I have a little slump afterwards. When you have three kids, work, have normal everyday commitments and a marriage it doesn’t leave a lot of time for socialising. And sometimes no matter how caught up with life you get, you just have this niggling feeling that you’re missing something.
I don’t think I’m alone in this. As the year draws to a close things just get busier and busier and it means you don’t have as much spare time to organise a long lunch or a silly night out, drinking too much and stumbling home laughing with a friend. I haven’t even had time to do that with Twiggy. Instead, we’ve been having impromptu “nights off” at home. Oysters, champagne, a delicious meal and a few too many wines. And lots of laughter. I know it sounds naff and sentimental, but he really is my best friend.
I struggle at times making, keeping and building friendships. I get very awkward and nervous. I feel like I’m making people hang out with me, which I know is absurd, but I am absurd at times. So, to make it easier I just don’t make plans. And then I feel crappy that no-one makes plans with me. It’s a stupid vicious cycles that goes around and around. I’ve taken to doing things with the kids instead or by myself. Or with Twiggy when we can. I don’t really feel like I have a “go to” friend outside of Twiggy, everyone’s as busy as I am, but I’m working on that.
Instead, I keep myself busy with my world, connect with people online and savour my family. I actually really like being alone, but every now and then I need to hang out with people. Slowly, I’ve been trying to change my awkwardness – over talking and shyness is a very strange mix. I suspect it might be an only child thing. Or maybe it’s just a person thing. You’d think it’d get easier as you grew older. Sometimes I feel a little lonely and then I realise it’s probably more so that I’m tired and just want comforting.
I’ve lost my spark. I’ve been putting myself to bed early this week, reading Amy Poehler’s novel Yes Please to get some inspiration. I’ve been trying to recharge, get my joie de vivre back.
It’s a funny thing life, as soon as you think you’ve got it by the horns, the bull bucks and you find yourself sprawled on the ground. I’m going to pick myself up, wipe off all the shit and get back on again.
I’m going to stop feeling all woe is me. People can be silly creatures can’t we?
SNAP! I struggle so much with friendships and also feel like I don’t a “go to” friend, particularly here in Singapore. I am trying to rectify this and move past my social anxiety. On Tuesday I had the first meeting of a book club I arranged on FB. Six women I had never met came to my house and it was fabulous. I also have a Thanksgiving lunch on Tuesday with a group of women I hardly know and I’m flip-flopping on whether I should bail or not. I am on the periphery of this group and it’s always such a shit feeling being on the outskirts…… But I need more friends! The flip flopping continues!
Go you getting out there and making new connections – it feels good when you’re brave doesn’t it? I go through moments of being brave and moments of being a sook. Hoping you find that “go to” friend soon xx
You sound like a classic introvert – I’m one too…
I think as introverts, we’re put under a lot of pressure by society to be things we’re not… Not all people are outgoing – not everyone enjoys social occasions…
The thing is, it’s perfectly fine to be introverted – you can’t be something you’re not – so don’t fuss it…
Have you watched this? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c0KYU2j0TM4
I changed my outlook on being an introvert after watching that video – I just don’t accept my introversion, I celebrate it! 🙂
Oh – and this is a good read too! 🙂
I’ll take a look – thanks so much x
That is so cool – I love that you embrace it! What a fab way to look at life x
Yes – we can be silly. My husband is my best friend too – the person I share my best and worst with. My closest friends are interstate and overseas & finding like-minded people closer to home is always a challenge when the general population is generally not minded like me! Friends are easy to make but the ones to confide, trust and rely on are rare.
Hope the early nights have recharged your spark.
Thanks so much for your lovely comment. You are so right – the ones to confide in and the hardest to find. I too have many interstate and hone calls just aren’t the same x
I’m an extrovert turning into an introvert I think! I’ve had kids, but my friends that haven’t, have naturally moved on. I just found out one of my bridesmaids had a baby a month ago?!! We would of text a few times before – but no mention. How does one forget to mention that?!! Trying very hard to get my head around it! The blogging world has been sooo good making new friendships just 6 weeks in and just like you say – when you do meet like-minded friends, its like you’ve known each other for years. Thank god for gorgeous husbands for being your everything, and bringing sparks back when needed. Cheers to 2015 with new friendships, and bringing the extrovert back xx
Oh honey – that six about finding out such important news after the fact. Friendship change over the years – I hope you make some awesome new friendships that make your heart sing x
Omg you pretty much just described what im going through to the T.
Over talking and shyness is def a hard one x
Well I hope you are smiling big today xx
Ummmm did I just write this post? Cos I could have. Wow. Hugs xx I *totally* get it.
and right back at you xoxox
I read somewhere once that in any social situation the key is to push through the first thirty seconds of awkwardness. It always happens, and it doesn’t matter. The older I get the easier I sit with that stuff. I feel like everybody is fairly weird and slightly nobby socially in some way. Those creatures that are poised and at ease, always, are just mystical and impressive to me, like talking dogs.
I love the sound of your impromptu parties.
I adore your comment, particularly this part: “Those creatures that are poised and at ease, always, are just mystical and impressive to me, like talking dogs.” Made me laugh. Thanks so much x
Goodness me Bianca, I had no idea you could ever have felt like this. I’m so sorry, its so hard to get the right balance for you, isn’t it? I feel like this all. the. time. I savour the time I have at home, I would rather a cup of tea, the macbook on the couch than a Friday night out with the girls. I decline invitations for anything other than breaky, or coffee or a play date. But then I see status a newsfeed and friends have caught up, without me. again. I can’t seem to get the right social balance, for me. I need down time, I need a lot of down time. But I want to feel part of the community, not excluded by people I thought were friends. Can’t wait for the bloggy catch up in December. #introvertsunite
Oh honey we are all complex beings. Everyone one of us. Can’t wait to catch up in December. Take care and thank you xx
Snap! I totally get it! I’m an only child too and have a husband who is my best friend! After I moved to Australia, I found it so hard to make new friends, and felt so alone. I had a big chat about this with my therapist once, where she explained that being an introvert is not all about being shy and/or socially awkward, being introvert means you get your energy from within, you don’t have to be in a group or around people to recharge or feel whole. When I look at it like that, I’m quite in love with my introversion. Hugs for you! xx
Yes, it’s funny isn’t – I want to be hanging out with people but then feel so much better after just hanging out by myself recharging. ON the up. I hope your husband is feeling better soon xx
I can so relate to this! I’m an introvert so socialising, particularly with people I don’t know that well takes a lot of energy. Sometimes I just don’t have that energy. It’s tough living in a town where people tend to come and go a lot, I get tired of having to make new friends constantly. And my husband is my best friend so I enjoy spending my spare time with just him. But as social beings, us humans need networks and support… It’s s tough balance. Hope you feel a bit more “up” soon. Life is funny… There is always an up after the down.
So true – the up is a good place to be heading. Thanks for you kindness xx
Oh Bianca, huge hugs. I feel like this too! I think it is wonderful that your husband is your best friend. That is so important and “nights off” at home are the best. I don’t have kids so i can stumble home drunk but actually often prefer the relaxing luxury nights in. I’m absolutely sure that people are hanging around you because they want to too xx
Thanks sweetheart. Just being a bit sensitive. I’ll kick myself up the bum and get on with it xx
Some people need to be surrounded by people all the time, others need some solitude, and most of us need a little of both – true friends understand this and gather round when needed and let us just be when needed.
You are so right. Thank you x
What a brilliant, courageous post! I totally get it – I’m an only child and I’ve always struggled with feeling alarmingly awkward around people I don’t know so well. I blurt out random things and laugh in the wrong places and don’t know what to do with my arms (which are exceptionally long). It’s always comforting to know that the way you feel today, this week, this month, isn’t the way you’ll feel forever. We’re always changing and growing, and it’s nice to enjoy some alone time. If the world was full of extroverts everybody would be bounding into each other, shouting and laughing uproariously and we wouldn’t be able to hear a thing. (Slightly exaggerated portrayal of extroverts, who are also lovely people)!
Thanks for your kind comment x