So it’s the beginning of Week 3 of my “get healthier” campaign and I want to punch all of the people in the face. My first week was all about getting ready, finishing off all the booze and chips from the cupboard and setting myself some goals. The second week was all about making some changes. I haven’t had any booze for a week and am now participating in FebFast which means this “no drinking” commitment will continue for the entire month. I also haven’t had any sugar in my coffee or tea and aside from a slice, or three, of chocolate brownie for a Friday night treat, I have also been junk food free.
Exercise wise has been a little lacking, but I’ve moved more. I did have a sensational roller skating class, learning new skills and a killer circuit made me sweat and feel alive. I love skating. But I need more exercise in my life. I’m taking that part slowly. This week I’ll try and add in a couple more walks, on top of roller skating. I think I’ll need it purely for quiet time because overall, I feel crap.
My husband has also been on this healthy eating, no booze, move more plan (which helps), but he too feels like me. We are both so tired at night time (not from not eating enough). And we are irritable. We have the same feeling about this. It’s important for our health, but it’s hard. I’ve been down this road before and the first couple of weeks are shit. You put everything into it and expect to wake up each day bounding with energy, revitalised, bursting with sun shiny joy. Somewhere in the back of your mind you think: “I’m awesome for being super healthy, tomorrow when I wake up I’m going to be two sizes smaller, radiating pure happiness and bouncing with energy”.
THAT IS A LIE.
Instead, I feel grumpy and I just want to hide in my room with the covers over my head. I want to punch flowers and swear at ladybugs. I want to sleep all my melancholy away. I feel shitty, not better. Twice this week my children have informed me I have another baby in belly. Twice I have informed them that I do not. Twice I have wanted to eat donuts to commiserate. Instead, I’ve drank a big glass of “get the fuck over yourself” and eaten a few almonds. I’ve been snacking on nuts, fresh (low sugar) fruit, vegetables and air. I’ve been eating delicious food actually and have not felt hungry. I’ve been drinking lots of water and have cut out late night snacks. I’ve been going to bed earlier.
Yesterday, I felt so disenchanted (warning to self: do not get on the scales). I did what any person feeling massive toxin withdrawals does, I drove to Big W and purchased a sports-bra that actually fits me, a new hair dye, macadamia nuts, coconut water and some celery. And then I threw some shade at a chocolate cake and seriously contemplated throwing it across the supermarket.
IT’S BEEN SEVEN DAYS FOR FUCKS SAKE. I NEED TO GET OVER MYSELF.
Anyway, as I head into the third week, and my second week of healthy choices, I’ve vowed to start reaching out more to connect with others who are in the midst of the same mindfuckery. My amazing friend Ruth aka Gourmet Girlfriend, just posted about her past year. She’s worked so darn hard to change her life path to one based on mindfulness, health and joy. She’s lost 20 kilos and has taught herself to run. But what’s stood out most for me is her clarity of soul which shines through in her photos and words. You can read about it here.
So, I suppose what I’m saying is I need to stop focussing on how grumpy this whole exercise is and instead focus on how much better I’ll feel, once the toxins have stopped oozing out of me playing games with my psyche. I have to keep my mind firmly focussed on establishing long lasting habitual changes and remember my goal to stop being so darn hard myself.
I need to reach out to communities like the kind folk at Operation Move who have offered wonderful support to me over the past few weeks and friends who have emailed and Facebook inboxed me with some awesome tips on what’s worked for them. It might surprise some, but despite oversharing online, I am actually quite a solitary person who would rather sit home than socialise, so an online support group may be the right spot for me to groan. I’m just not sure if I’ll deal with people posting photos of quinoa or oven-baked kale chips. If I ever do that you have permission to unfriend me.
I’ll just keep making small changes.
Week 3 I’m going to kick you to the curb. You won’t beat me.
Tell me – do you have an exercise buddy or an online support group? Do you often feel like giving up? Do you know if cutting out junk food impacts on your mood? How long will it take until I feel like a picture of health or is that just a lie perpetuated by Pinterest?