10-years-birthday-cake

This is the post which is meant to contain much fanfare of me having lost 10 kilos. Hooray! What a brilliant job I’ve done keeping to my exercise regime, eating less junk food, not drinking as much wine and being a better me. What a champion I am. GO ME. High kicks and double high fives all round.

But you know what? I’m still a little way off 10 kilos. Not much, probably a week, give or take a few days. I’d hate to lie to you and me, saying how awesome I am for achieving my weight loss goal by the date I’d set myself. ┬áIf I went ahead and did that, I’d be a big dunderhead. I’m a little annoyed with myself for not quite getting there, as I’d hoped, but I’m nearly there. Nearly.

The truth is getting healthier is a long, boring, relentless road. Sore muscles, blistered feet, hunger pains, longing for donuts, hidden wine bottles. You know my struggle because you’ve been reading about it here. You know because I’d hazard a guess that you are also fighting a battle of your own – maybe it’s weight or health or anxiety or addiction or procrastination. Making changes, focusing on getting yourself into a different frame of mind – it’s tedious. You fight yourself every step of the the way, well I do.

I’m so close to 10 kilos I can almost taste those empty calories. I thought I’d feel more heroic or something, instead I just feel worn down. My journey on this cobbled path to health is still a long way off completion. Actually, to be fair, it will never truly end as my struggles with weight and stress eating will always be a constant companion of mine, it’s just how I choose to acknowledge it’s presence that will change. It’s like an old friend who has never moved on from the past. It’s hard to say goodbye to them because they know you so well, but you need to keep them at arms reach in order for you to take steps into your future. For real change to occur you need to acknowledge your foes and make friends with new habits.

Ten kilos is a fabulous achievement I know that and when in coming days I see that elusive number, dipping below 85 kilos, on the scales, I’ll need to wipe it from my memory and start from the beginning again. I suppose that’s why it’s bittersweet. I’ll need to face the next 10 kilos with an enlightened attitude or I’ll never get to my destination. I’ve come so far from where I started, but man it would be easier to catch an express train there rather than dragging my feet every step of the way.

Step-by-slow-and-steady-step.

bigwords x