wobbly

It’s one week until school holidays finish and I am struggling to find any time to myself. My husband, Twiggy, works from home, as do I. And our three girls – Lil, CC and Hutz have us cornered. I am over it.

I need some SPACE.

Anyway, the purpose of this diary isn’t to whinge, well not the entire time, but instead it’s to document my journey this year to becoming a better me.  Well, not so much a better me – a healthier, more balanced, better time managed me.

These are my goals –

1) Lose weight.

2) Gain muscle definition.

3) Learn to run.

4) Drink less booze.

5) Eat cleaner, fresher, wiser.

6) Grow my hair and nails.

7) Write my book.

8) Pay off debts.

9) Be a better Mum.

10) Have more sex.

11) Be a better wife (see 10)

12) Be more engaged with the community.

13) Connect with like-minded people.

14) Be braver.

15) Write more (see 14).

16) Grow my blog (see 15).

17) Give more.

18) Live more.

19) Laugh more.

20) Procrastinate less.

21) Stop writing so many lists (see 20).

I am so very hard on myself, but rarely do I ever follow through with anything.

Today I sit here the heaviest I’ve ever been (except when pregnant). I’m slowly making my way towards triple digits. When I look in the mirror I only do so from flattering angles. I take lots of selfies from a height. I hate any photos taken by other people as it reveals my truth.

I look at my kids and wonder if I’ll grow old with them. I am so unhealthy. I watch keenly as others complete books, run marathons, document amazing weight loss, write fabulously, achieve lifetime goals and I feel joy for them, but am also envious. I only have myself to blame. I let myself down by my complacency.

I decided I’d write a bit about how I’m feeling, what I’m doing and the emotions I’m facing as I take my first steps towards change. I will also, I anticipate, write about when I fail.

Wobbly : The Diary of a Mum Trying to Find Herself – is simply a diary of a mum trying to find TIME for herself. I know I’m not alone when I say I’m too busy getting through each day to dedicate any time to me, but that’s a load of crap. I just need to find the time.

So, today I’ll start thinking about the ways I can do that.

Any suggestions on how I can better manage my time?

bigwords x