It’s one week until school holidays finish and I am struggling to find any time to myself. My husband, Twiggy, works from home, as do I. And our three girls – Lil, CC and Hutz have us cornered. I am over it.
I need some SPACE.
Anyway, the purpose of this diary isn’t to whinge, well not the entire time, but instead it’s to document my journey this year to becoming a better me. Well, not so much a better me – a healthier, more balanced, better time managed me.
These are my goals –
1) Lose weight.
2) Gain muscle definition.
3) Learn to run.
4) Drink less booze.
5) Eat cleaner, fresher, wiser.
6) Grow my hair and nails.
7) Write my book.
8) Pay off debts.
9) Be a better Mum.
10) Have more sex.
11) Be a better wife (see 10)
12) Be more engaged with the community.
13) Connect with like-minded people.
14) Be braver.
15) Write more (see 14).
16) Grow my blog (see 15).
17) Give more.
18) Live more.
19) Laugh more.
20) Procrastinate less.
21) Stop writing so many lists (see 20).
I am so very hard on myself, but rarely do I ever follow through with anything.
Today I sit here the heaviest I’ve ever been (except when pregnant). I’m slowly making my way towards triple digits. When I look in the mirror I only do so from flattering angles. I take lots of selfies from a height. I hate any photos taken by other people as it reveals my truth.
I look at my kids and wonder if I’ll grow old with them. I am so unhealthy. I watch keenly as others complete books, run marathons, document amazing weight loss, write fabulously, achieve lifetime goals and I feel joy for them, but am also envious. I only have myself to blame. I let myself down by my complacency.
I decided I’d write a bit about how I’m feeling, what I’m doing and the emotions I’m facing as I take my first steps towards change. I will also, I anticipate, write about when I fail.
Wobbly : The Diary of a Mum Trying to Find Herself – is simply a diary of a mum trying to find TIME for herself. I know I’m not alone when I say I’m too busy getting through each day to dedicate any time to me, but that’s a load of crap. I just need to find the time.
So, today I’ll start thinking about the ways I can do that.
Any suggestions on how I can better manage my time?
A year ago I was in the same place as you. Triple figures were only a pizza or two away and I didn’t have the fitness to do things with my kids. I was so inflexible that when I woke up I couldn’t put my heels on the floor and had to walk on tiptoe until my achilles’ loosened. There was other stuff with my digestive system but I’ll spare you the details! I used the WW system of points to control my food and 12wbt for exercise, although I have never ever done all the exercise she prescribes because………mental! I “run” 3 times a week minimum for 30 minutes, and it’s changed my body shape more than anything else I have ever tried. I hate it but it works, even though there are people who can power walk faster than I can run!
That’s my story. I’ll tweet you a photo. Good luck!
I was surrounded by so many negative people that the only way to escape from them was to run!
I have found so much happiness and “me time” in running that I don’t have the time to associate myself with people who cannot enjoy life and appreciate the things that they have.
I was never a runner and at the start of 2013 I started off walking 30min to an hour everyday. And I am now able to run 10-17km a day.
My goal for 2014 is to complete the Melbourne marathon in October *fingers crossed*
Running has been a great excuse to listen to the 80’s. If only our eyes could be a camera – I could share the beautiful sites I have seen whilst running.
Small steps Bianca – I know you can do it ❤️
As someone who is well into the triple figures and is determined to halve her body weight this year – and two weeks into the new year is already 3.3kg down, let me tell you, that you CAN do this, if you really want it.
Start small, set little goals and as you reach them, tick them off and move onto the next one – don’t look too far ahead, you’ll only get discouraged. If you fall off the wagon, pick yourself up, dust yourself off and get back on that wagon.
YOU CAN DO THIS.
My aim for this year is to find more balance. So easily my days can be consumed with the running of our family & household & with a hubby who does FIFO it’s near impossible to find time for myself but with baby number 4 due soon I know I need to find some.
I think there’s nothing wrong with writing a list ( or 20) just remember to read it regularly. Stick that list next to your bed, or on your bathroom mirror. And maybe make smaller lists of how you think you can accomplish each goal. How will you lose weight? In your own, with a trainer or by using something like weight watchers/Jenny Craig/lite n easy? You want to write more ? Have more sex? Just do it!!! There’s no point in planning them just do it. Once you start you won’t want to stop 😉
Small steps B but you’ll get there &we’ll be here cheering you on xx
You sound like me and I am guessing so many more of us! This is my year too. I’ve been gifted time this year … I’m only working 2-6 pm and my kids are off my hands … if I don’t get healthy, write my books and get more organised I only have myself to blame. I can’t waste this gift. I’ll follow your diary for inspiration. Love you Bianca Wordley xx
Oh darling girl!
Apart from the blogging bits, I have a similar list in my head of things I want to achieve in 2014.
I recommend finding at least 1 friend to start running with – I have enlisted the help of 2 friends this year & we all motivate each other, which is very helpful on the days where you couldn’t think of anything worse than putting the running shoes on! I agree with setting goals too – we’ve made a list of fun runs that we want to do this year (Mothers Day Classic, Colour Run, City to Bay)which keeps us motivated to reach the 5km goal.
I actually hate running, at the moment especially as I try to regain some level of fitness – but the endorphins it releases are huge & I ALWAYS come home in a better mood than what I left the house in!
Good luck lovely, I know you can do this!
I’m an old chook now and it’s taken me about twice your lifetime years to work out how not to procrastinate. Sorry to sound like an old school teacher (even though I am one) but here’s my anti-procrastination plan that I still stick to: Make a written list of things you really should do each day, even like ‘phone Susan/whoever’ as well as onerous tasks like ‘iron school dresses’ or ‘prepare beginnings of dinner’ and so on. Then take great delight in scratching them off the list as they’re done. Have a definite cut off point for how many items on the list have to be completed before you have that cup of coffee.
Please don’t even think of jogging/running yet. Walking is fine! And it’s a wonderful time for thinking and forming ideas for the next writing exercise. (Don’t bother with headphone music; think up writing ideas instead).
About the food: Too much info about that dreaded ‘dieting’ word. Forget that. Buy a melon baller (cost $4). Buy grapes, watermelon, rock melon etc. and make bowls of a mixture of them and make those your snacks, instead of biscuits. Sure, have a square of chocolate once a day, but make a limit & stick to it.
One other food thing: Try to make it a house rule (have the kids involved) that take-away is only allowed on one night a month.
Amazingly, obeying your own rules makes you feel good; great, in fact. And all else should follow. Good luck!
My #1 tip … only try to change one thing at a time and give yourself a month.
I know whenever I want to make big changes in my life, I’ve tried to make them all at once. And that’s never worked for me. Not ever.
So one month I said ‘I am going to move for 20 minutes a day, no matter what’.
After a month that became a habit and I did the next thing – Sarah Wilson’s 8 week IQS program. So that took two months.
The following month, 3 times a week I upgraded my 20 minutes of moving each day to ‘training for a half-marathon’ type moving.
By the end of that 4 months I had lost weight, gotten fitter and was mentally so much happier. Most importantly, moving and eating well every day had become habits.
Then I started creating other habits such as writing every day etc etc
Be kind to yourself lovely … those small steps add up pretty quickly to very big things
I was going to give you my advice, but Kelly has said it better than me, so what she said 🙂
My only other piece of advice (as someone who is learning to run herself) is to find a program that starts at the beginning. I did one that was really kind to a newbie that started with run 1 min then walk 1 min then repeat. It wasn’t about speed, just getting moving.
I also found a group of other ladies who are learning too and we just encourage each other to get moving even if it’s a shuffle or a walk. Happy to share both the program and the group details with you if you’d like.
Be kind to yourself. You are an awesome lady. xx
Firstly, you have already achieved number 9. It shows by the way you write about your family; you are a wonderful mum, I have no doubt about that. On how to find more time? I don’t know the answer to that one. I feel like I spend my entire thinking time structuring and restructuring my day to try and ram in as much productive time as possible. It remains my number one frustration in life. In terms of becoming healthy, like Kelly I think making small but consistent changes so they become a natural, or a habitual part of your life is what works. That way you will feel like you are making ‘tweaks’ to your life, not drastic withdrawals, and soon the things you once thought you couldn’t live without will stop entering your mind. When I need a health kick I start by simply cutting out sugar in my tea. Then, once I’m used to that, stop eating bread. I quite coffee in November last year and after the first week was out of the way, I haven’t looked back. Sure, I’ve had the odd one, but I don’t enjoy it nearly as much as I did. Now a coffee is ‘meh’… Be kind on yourself too. You are amazing. Your writing is amazing. Your creativity is amazing. You might not realise this, but you are a role model to many. Much love. x
Such good advice by some very inspiring commenters up thread, I love that you are blogging about this, I too have the epic list that I want to live by this year. Fitter, happier, healthier. It’s all there within our grasp. So far I am exercising again, still making shonky food choices a lot of the time, but baby steps. Husband is loving the increase in our sex lives and we feel more connected already. I have deleted Facebook from my phone and it goes in the bowl with my keys when I get home. I am trying not to be too hard on myself and to take the time to listen to how I feel and to really think about how my actions impact on myself and my family. Go hard, you can do it! Xxx
Well I’ve been following your beautiful ( and superbly written) blog for about a year now, and I never comment, but trust me, I’ve been full of admiration wondering how you produce such stunning work with three little munchkins to see too. I have three myself and my writing has gone out the window since the littlest- I’m just so drained! ( actually make that writing, marital relations, cooking etc)- so I hear you! 🙂
On the exercise- I will never ever be able to be a runner, but took up gentle lap swimming a few years ago. So blissful, so great for tightening up the bod a little, but best of all it’s meditational time alone. Love!
Look forward to reading of your updates. Ps. School holidays – another 1.5 weeks here in NSW… Rrrr 🙂
Hi Bianca, I feel the same way you do and need to make many of the same changes on your list. Thank you for being brave enough to write about it and put it out there. As you can see from the comments above, you are not alone, and it’s thanks to bloggers like you that other people can connect and realise they’re not alone either. Your blog is like a community service that way! All the advice from the other commenters is great. With regard to weight loss, thinking about the end goal can be overwhelming, so I really agree with the advice to just concentrate on the next kilo. Write down your weight loss goal for the next week, eg, by next Wednesdy I will be –kg. Then when you get there, ticking it off is sooooo satisfying! I have lost 900 grams since I started “trying to lose weight” just over a week ago. My biggest diet tip? Frozen blueberries as an after dinner snack instead of leftover plum pudding/mince tarts – damn them. Good on you Bianca for your writing and putting your thoughts and your life out there – you are very inspirational! I know you can do it! I am going to do it too. Looking forward to following your wobbly diary. Xx
Oh babe. We are ALL trying to find more time in our day. You’re a legend. I’ve just read your latest post. Almost 10kg is bloody amazing! Cheers to you!
I lost 9kg three years ago and the biggest change I made was to sleep more. Sounds random, but it actually works. I wrote about it here, and it really was life changing.
Hope it helps! Onwards and upwards (not the scales)!!!!