Just last week I was doing everything I could to disguise my protruding, flabby, post-baby belly. Now, I am trying not to be so self-conscious, as thousands of people throughout the world have now seen it. It wasn’t what I set out to do. It wasn’t what I expected, but as my Mum so proudly exclaimed: “Honey, you’ve gone viral”.
Many people have asked me, since I published The Baby Belly post on my blog, why did I do it? You see, it was late at night, I confess I’d had a couple of wines and I was fed up with the post-baby, weight loss machine. The pressure on Mums is intensifying. It’s ridiculous and potentially extremely harmful. I don’t want my three girls to grow up with the same pressures. Then I had a brainwave, I’d take pictures of my belly and explain that no matter how hard I try I will never look like a celebrity or supermodel. I have nothing against those women it’s just not my reality. I decided if I woke in the morning and felt embarrassed about having pictures of my floppy, stretch mark riddled, tummy out in “cyber world”, I’d remove them. Nobody would see them anyway, I’d thought to myself.
I was so wrong. What I didn’t forsee was the enormous reaction the post would generate. I was not prepared for the overwhelming outpouring of support and the hundreds of heartfelt, honest responses from women (and men) from all over the world. By mid-morning, the next day, I had over 4,000 hits on my blog and hundreds of retweets, Facebook shares, comments, phone calls, emails and texts.
Then the media outlets started contacting me. Firstly, I was approached by a producer on the Nine Network’s Today Show to be interviewed live the following morning; an opportunity I accepted with a mixture of fear and excitement. Then, ABC Radio booked me for a radio interview on 891 Adelaide and ABC website The Drum asked for permission to publish the post, as too did The Hoopla. To say the response has been overwhelming would be an understatement.
What’s been most eye opening for me has been the courage of the women commenting on the post. They have shared their stories with me and talked of their own body struggles. They have talked of how they hate their bodies, yet how blessed they are to have been able to have children. They have vowed, like me, to stand proud of our scars, to not buy into the pressure from trashy magazines, mainstream media and family and friends. They have cried. I have cried with them. As one woman wrote: “My stomach, your stomach, they have a journey to motherhood written on them”.
The word most used was brave and while I am so very grateful I am also saddened. Brave to me is standing up to fight against injustice, mistreatment, horrors of war and the protection of your fellow human beings against bigotry. Brave is saving someone else from death without fear. Showing your imperfect belly should not be considered brave. I suppose that is the point of my post. It is so ingrained in our psyche what women “should” look like that if you have “imperfections” you are made to feel ashamed. It is so incongruous to say when someone dares to let other people see their belly they are brave.
What I also didn’t plan for were the nasty comments. The ones telling me I was fat, that I shouldn’t have had kids, that I was a whinger who lived in “magazine land” and my favourite – that I was a nobody. It’s my first experience with trolls and while I tried to laugh it off, it was still cutting. Some people must read the words, but only process what they want to hear. There was such harsh judgement with so little understanding of the issue.
But, I refuse to let the few drongos tarnish what has been an amazing confirmation of the human spirit. I’ve had over 8,000 hits on my post now. I’ve been shown that it is possible to make a difference in your own small way.
You have been a good influence and if nothing else, you may have made people think more deeply about the body image issue. Well done x
Congrats on your success with the post – it was well deserved! And I 100% agree that it is a sad, sad world when “bravery” is showing a nonperfect body. We’re all just so harsh on each other, as a society.
You did a good thing Bianca. Stand proud and flash that tummy whenever you want. It grew new lives … it’s amazing, as are you xxx
I think you’re brave for doing something that made you still your subconscious thoughts. Sorry the trolls came out lovely, I wanted to reply to every one of those comments telling them they’d missed the point etc etc but people like that aren’t going to change their views. As I said to you and have commented, you have made it clearer to me than anyone that this focus on body should be left well behind in these hazy days of newish mamahood. I think you wonderful in every way possible and look forward to seeing what next year brings you. Xxxxx
You’re right, Bianca. Isn’t it sad that you should be considered brave for saying ‘Here I am, just as I am’? That it should cause such a media ‘flap’?
Yet, by doing so, you stimulated further discussion about the hypocrisy of it all, that just *might* help make such a scenario unlikely by the time your daughters have their own babies and proudly ‘birth-worn’ tummies.
And that would be a very good thing. Well done, you. x
You are amazing Bianca. Truly amazing!
I loved your post and I love this one. As for the trolls, they can suck it. Sorry I can’t write that more eloquently, but I’m so sick of negative people at the moment.
I am truly astonished that you should have received any nasty comments. I suggest that these kind of people leave nasty comments on all sorts of public blogs, just because they can and to be contrary.
What you did was wonderful. Because of you, I’m feeling a whole lot better about my own baby belly now. Thank you.
Those nasty people are not worth your energy!
I read the post and completely understand your motivations behind it. You did do a great thing. Sadly (and no more so than these last couple of days), I see how trolly types enjoy a crawl out from the slime to have a personal go at anyone daring to make a statement. Yes you are right- it means you’ve had some impact. Well done xx
Thankyou. What an awesome post…. and boo to trolls!!!!
words are powerful, and mean ones do hurt 🙁 but i am so glad that the response was so overwhelmingly positive and you felt the power of that. You did an awesome thing x
I totally agree with you on the ‘brave’ thing. I’m often surprised when people use that word on my blog after I’ve been honest about something. To me honesty is not the same as bravery, but I guess for some people it must be. I’m so sorry to hear you had some nasty comments. I can’t for the life of me understand why people want to be so cruel.
Good for you for being so honest. All the success is well deserved. It was a brilliant and heartfelt post. The trolls are just idiots! Keep the faith
I came by this blog via a facebook link to hoopla. I immediately shared your words because I know so many other women who I believe need them. I know I do. I am generally ok with my body. In fact, my stretchmarks don’t daunt me a bit. (Probably because I have lived with them since puberty, so my tummy ones from pregnancy are just an addition), but my tummy weight is something I still yo-yo about. One day I feel empowered, proud that my belly grew and stretched to grow a human being. The next day, someone’s unflattering snapshot of me can tear me to pieces.
Anyway, i just wanted to thank you for making the point that society needs to stop normalizing these celebrities with their photoshop teams, and instead embrace and normalize the reality that all bodies are different. And that the bodies of us mothers are to be revered. All women, all tummies, all bodies are different…and we need to stop judging one another. Life is too short to worry about having a so-called “bikini body”.
Your post and the reaction to it (my reaction included) has been eye opening for me.
I said you were brave in my comment on that post. I didn’t necessarily mean showing your belly was brave and I get where you are coming from, but to me, facing insecurities feels brave, speaking out to make a difference feels brave. I am a naturally small build, I’m slight in size and although I am fond of my “baby” scars I am insecure about my body. I feel too pale, too freckly, too frumpy, too often. My insecurities are fueled by all sorts of things but it was your words that reminded me of the choice I have – I get to decide whether I embrace or battle with my body. As you know, the magazines will continue to print the images and the post baby weight loss stories for as long as there is a market for them. But I think your post proves that there is a market for a more accurate representation of women in the media. And this is such good news for the next generation of mothers!
The fact that some people felt the need to hurl insults, well it sucks. Big time. Keep drowning out those drongos.