Recently, I wrote about the pressure on women to lose weight after giving birth. I put up photos of my own jelly belly, riddled with stretch marks. My over-extended tummy looks like I’m a few months pregnant and it’s been 19 months since my third child was born. The post garnered a huge reaction as many women out there feel the same way as I do. We should be proud of our bodies for growing children. Our scars should be celebrated. There is enough pressure on mothers as it is without the added expectation of eradicating all evidence human life grew inside us.
And then I saw a story which has left me equally as flabbergasted. It’s the attention being given to yet another freak of nature, yes that’s right, a Victoria Secret Angel. I call them freaks of nature affectionately. They are STUNNING. They have bodies deemed by mainstream media as perfect. They have legs that reach into the sky, boobs as firm as ripe melons and hair that glistens like gold. They work out 20 hours a day, have professional stylists and most probably harbour huge anxieties over their multi-million dollar earning bodies. First sign of cellulite and they’ll no longer get to strut their tiny arses down the runway with huge wings attached to their perfectly defined shoulders. As any person with a high profile career, they work damn hard to reach the top of their field and even harder to stay there.
This particular “Angel”, Allesandra Ambrosio, was recently discovered to have been two months pregnant with her second child when she walked in the lingerie company’s latest show.
Good on her, I say. I would’ve had to stop at the end of the runway and throw up if it was me up there at two months pregnant. I think she looks amazing. Although, I think she would look amazing even with vomit in her hair and tiny bits of carrot in her teeth. (There’s always tiny bits of carrot when you hurl). The problem I have, is not with her Amazonian self, it’s with the exclamations of amazement by media commentators about how anyone who was 2 months pregnant could walk in heels with wings on their back. Ummm, women have done a whole lot more strenuous activities when pregnant. Walking isn’t considered one of them.
And then there’s the fixation with her belly and how no-one noticed she was pregnant. Hooray, let’s all applaud her for being skinny when pregnant. Now that’s something to strive for, isn’t it? For many women they don’t even start to look pregnant until many months into their pregnancy. Judging by her fucking amazing body to start with, I think it’s a no-brainer she is ONE OF THOSE WOMEN (I’m screaming at the commentators, not you). For the other women out there, like myself, the moment your husband ejaculates you put on 5 kilos. There is no way I would be strutting in a Victoria Secret show when two months pregnant. Actually, there’s no way I would be walking in a runway show full stop. I am not a model.
Every pregnancy is different, every woman has a different experience. Creating another reason for women to feel paranoid about how they look is just plain wrong.
I worry for the women who look at the “Angels” of the world and listen to the poisonous opinions of outsiders hailing those who manage to keep slim while pregnant as modern day heroes. Women who are already struggling with their own body issues. Women who work hard, some say obsessively, to stay slim. Women who feel guilt each time they eat bread or pasta. Women who are already so caught up in the cycle of thin is beautiful, that when they start to put on baby weight, feel out of control, feel anxiety and depression. They possibly may even put their own health, and that of their unborn child, at risk. They need support, not reinforcement of some bullshit ideology that to be a woman means you must at all times be looking “your best”. And by best, I mean skinny.
Here’s the thing though, you can not judge a pregnant woman by their weight gain or loss. Some women lose weight while pregnant, not out of fear of getting fat, but because they spend their entire pregnancies vomiting. Personally, when I was pregnant I was the opposite, I used it as an excuse to eat far too many chocolate donuts. My own weight issues meant, out of medical necessity, I was forced to monitor food portion control and test my sugar levels regularly, after being diagnosed with gestational diabetes with two, of three, of my pregnancies. This is me, a month prior to giving birth to my third child.
Some women put on many, many kilos of weight and never get gestational diabetes, while other women who are very health conscious do. Pregnancy is a fickle experience. Fickle because you never know how your body will cope.
It’s time the focus was on health, mental and physical, not appearance. The wider impact that stories about supermodels who continue to remarkably (insert scarcasm here) look like supermodels once pregnant is potentially dangerous. 2012 needs to be the year this ridiculous fixation on a woman’s body is put to an end.
Rant over. What are you thoughts on the issue?
Once you get pregnant you become public property! People think they are free to comment on how big you are, how small you are, how big you aren’t … it doesn’t end.
I got the “you’re huge – you must be overdue by now” at about 36 weeks.
And then 6 weeks after I’d actually had the baby, someone asked whether I’d had the baby yet!
ugh. when will people, i’m looking at you media people, realise that every woman’s body will react differently to each and every pregnancy? as you say, some can put on loads of weight and be fine eg no gb, others put on hardly any and get gb!
i’m hoping to get pregnant [again] this year and hold onto the pregnancy to finally deliver a healthy *living* breathing babe – if i get fat[ter than i already am!] so be it, if i lose weight so be it, really that’s not the major issue for me, carrying the baby to term IS.
no two bodies are the same, no two pregnancies are the same – even for the same person at times so why do the media [and women to a certain extent] feel the need to encourage women to compare ourselves with each other?
i say relish your pregnancy, whatever it may or may not throw at you and just focus on yourself, what other women do or do not do during their pregnancy really has no impact on you and yours.
~x~
I suffered terrible morning sickness. I lost gross amounts of weight, and on my already smallish frame, 6kgs in 2 weeks wea enough weight lost to spin me into a huge state of depression and sadness. I cried when they weighed me at the hospital. Fashion commentators would have probably ogled in jealousy at my tiny frAme, and yet the sight of myself in a mirror sent me spiraling into a deep for of depression. Everyone IS different. No one should be judged by their bodies, especially pregnant bodies. I applaud you on this lovely and honest post!
A good rant, B. I can’t believe that women now feel pressure to look skinny and ‘ideal’ even whilst pregnant. Bring back the bloody dungerees, I say. Maybe. At least the tents. Maybe. But, whatevs, you know what I mean… x
PS – sorry, more to say, it’s just the general fixation on Mutha F’ing APPEARANCE that is just getting worse and worse and ‘these young people today’* actually BELIEVE that appearance is all you need. They really believe that looking good will make them happy. Shudder. x
* Yes, I am eighty.
I like you with your ranty pants on. I couldn’t agree more! After reading your post, Cate’s
There’s just too much media scrutiny on women’s bodies in general, but especially pregnant women. Apparently, it IS a contest. (rolls eyes here)
Sorry B, didn’t finish commenting & my phone is being daft so not sure how this will go
After reading your post, Cate’s (Keep Cate Busy) & Julie Goodwin’s too I can’t help wonder when people will keep their judgey, misinformed opinions to themselves? When will it become the norm to focus on health rather than size? Some of those comments you received over at The Drum really riled me up because the reality is that not buying the tabloid mags isn’t enough to avoid societal norms about weight, including weight during pregnancy. The model of which you write is clearly genetically blessed and works hard at her craft though seriously not the norm. I lost weight during pregnancy and have never been more worn out physically or mentally, particularly with the last pregnancy. I love your ranty socks. Xxx
Great post, such crap isnt it that you cant look pregnant…bloody time to celebrate your body doing amazing things!! Side note…I have a crush on Miranda Kerr 🙂
At 20 weeks pregnant I’m already as big as I was full term last pregnancy 0_o *sigh* Learning to embrace my fertile body & not judge myself by the usual strict criteria for what’s *acceptable* but it is a challenge when people tell me I look ready to pop & I’m only half way.
My body is reacting to this pregnancy very differently to my first which a tad confronting but my body is doing what it needs to do to keep my baby healthy & anyone who can’t see that isn’t worthy of my time & effort (or so hubby keeps reminding me)!!
A womans weight shouldn’t be the topic of conversation (or gossip) whether she’s pregnant or not, I struggled with anorexia for 10 years for this reason & it still makes my skin crawl……. I wish people could just focus on the little miracle we’re busy creating rather then making nasty comments on how much (or little) a pregnant woman weighs
When I was pregnant with my second child I felt so much pressure to not put on as much weight as I did first time round I skipped lunch. I had a toddler under two, no sleep and I skipped lunch because I was out and out scared of what people were going to say this time. I put on half my body weight with each pregnancy. I hated the way people would comment – usually on how tiny I was pre pregnancy – yes, because two years of trying to conceive and failing caused untold stress on me and the stress caused weight loss.
Lucky for me, and my unborn daughter I stopped skipping meals. I was a complete idiot. Clearly.
I’m with Maxabella – what is it about society (media) today that makes people think appearance is everything. And what makes the media think they have the right to pass comment on every female out there?
yes applause for walking while 8 weeks preganant. Give. Me. a. Break. Although she may have also talked at the same time. oh no wait she smiled and walked. *Applause.*
I have a fav little flouncy frilly top that I wear log over jeans. Everytime I wear it I get asked if I am pregnant….. lol. I’m ok with that, and I always explain that no I am not pregnant, it is just a comfy top. Usually the person who asks walks away very quickly after my comment. I try to make them not feel embarrassed. Hmmm the relevance to your blog, Oh yes- regardless of what stage in life we are at, women’s bodies seem to be public property. I have decided not to worry about it, to focus my mind elsewhere and just make sure that I am responsible with not only what I think to myself about others but also what I say out loud. (It is amazing how judgemental we are in our own minds about other people) You can’t change the media but you can change your own mind.
Exactly…there should be an international year of celebrating the female form. I am 62 , 4 pregnancies and lucky enough to have 4 beautiful adult daughters from those pregnancies. When I stand naked in front of a mirror these days and pull my tummy in as far as it will go, there is still an outline of where my uterus reached to…it looks a little like a floppy oval that reaches up to my ribs. When I relax it goes away but i still like to look at it and remind myself of how grateful I am for what i went through to have those beautiful girls, 2 of whom are now mothers themselves. Life is so short and can be tough and far too precious to waste time hankering after the perfect body. Love yourself with all your bits, perfect and imperfect, it is all wondrous from the perspective of very late middle age.
Love your blog…intelligent, warm and wise. X Darnie
Every woman is different.
I grew up ‘skinny’ (a term, as you may know, I don’t particularly like – I prefer ‘slim’!), and although I wanted to, I couldn’t gain weight. (A problem I wish I actually had now!) Anyway, when I was pregnant, I was really worried I wouldn’t gain ‘enough’ weight, however, even though I didn’t over indulge and just ate really healthy food through each of my three pregnancies, I put on around 12-15 kilos.
However, I also ‘popped’ in the stomach area earlier than a lot of friends of mine that have a larger body shape. Some say, when you’re thin, it just shows more.
My stomach looked HUGE when I was pregnant all three times. I even had those nice work colleagues you get who asked if I was having twins. Nice.
I always envied those women with little pregnant tummies, but by the same token, I was also happy that I was obviously growing a nice, healthy bub inside me! (My smallest bub was 3.64kg and the largest 4.49kg!)
We are all different shapes and sizes. Outside pregnancy and during. Woman really, really need to know that, and the media really need to not make it out that being smaller is a good thing. We certainly don’t want any women out there starving themselves, ESPECIALLY pregnant women.
Another great post, B. xox
Couldn’t agree more. I couldn’t stand it. I had twins and went full term so u can imagine how large I got. Everyone is different everyone pops out earlier or later depending on them. And you know sometimes I find woman who have kids are the worst! People when you see a pregnant person, friend etc shit the fuck up about whatever size they may be, big small whatever. Just marvel at their beautiful pregnant body and how amazing it is to be nurturing a human life.
put on 5kg first time BEFORE I EVEN KNEW I WAS PREGNANT! For some of us, the body goes into siege mode, desperately squirreling away fat, until the day you wean your baby (medical fact, doubters). I can only recommend you take advantage of this extra layer as a thick skin … smile your secret Mumma-to-be smile and let everyone else stew. xt
There is not much that frustrates me more than the “doesn’t she look faaaabulous!” pictures splashed across tv screens (morning shows being the main culprits… way to make the average woman choke on her rice crispies, thanks for that) and magazines when some celeb is 14 minutes pregnant.
They are not representative of the majority, yet at every turn the media seems to be reinforcing the model (pun only slightly intended) that thin is best. If it is not in your make-up already, you’ve got a snowball’s chance in HELL of remaining anywhere near the toned and terrific look that these incredible-looking creatures remain at. I’d like to see the average wage-earner mother get back to her pre-pregnancy baby shape without the stylists and trainers. It’s just not realistic. And frankly, it’s insulting they (collectively) keep ramming it home.
Nothing to add that hasn’t already been said, but wanted to let you know I read and loved it and am sick of feeling pressured.
I completely agree with you. I was teeny before I got pregnant (size 0, occasionally a 2) I weighed 105 forever. When I got pregnant I didn’t look pregnant at all until around the 16 week mark. Then I got this huge belly. Everyone commented on how much weight I was gaining, and I was extremely self conscious.
It’s a travesty. I’m almost 39 weeks pregnant with my first and haven’t weighed myself once, because to be honest, I really don’t give a shit how much weight I may or may not have put on. A number is only going to cause me damage and allow myself to compare my number to someone else’s number and no doubt, find an excuse to make myself feel like shit about it. So, I didn’t bother. Although all the ‘information’ out there is great, all these ‘norms’ are also what causes us trouble, because actually? There is no norm! You’re norm is your norm. And her norm is her norm. There just aren’t any rules and we shouldn’t feel like there are any to subscribe to. As you say, pregnancy is a fickle thing and something I’ve learnt a hell of a lot about! Biggest lesson. No judgement. You are how are you. Roll with it x
“For the other women out there, like myself, the moment your husband ejaculates you put on 5 kilos.”
Ha, this was so me! Spot on sister, as ever! xx
A couple of days ago I found out that one of my workmates is 5 months pregnant, I had NO idea. She is a part time Yoga instructor and naturally a slight build and yes, she looks amazing, but that has nothing to do with the size of her baby belly. I think Naomi made a good point – why is our society sooo obsessed with appearance? Is is because we believe life is perfectible?
I’m with you, lets bring a new focus to 2012, more health, less appearance.
Try being deathfat usually and THEN getting pregnant and having a HUGE baby (no I didn’t have gestational diabetes) and carryig HEAPS of fluid. It got to the point where people LAUGHED at me when I walked by them in the street : (