I have three children, but have never had a natural birth. Before you accuse me of being “too posh to push” just know this – I had gestational diabetes with 2 of them and my first “large” baby was breached. C-sections were my fate.
I never got to know how it felt to be a week overdue and to sit at my designer kitchen table, in my gorgeous silk dressing gown with my perfectly manicured nails and coiffed hair, chatting with my Matt Damon look-alike husband, when my “plug” popped and my waters delicately leaked from my matching silk designer panties. I never got to feel what it was like for my husband to lift me from said leather and chrome chair and gently me place my lightly soiled pert tooshie onto my freshly folded towel, neatly draped over the seat of our BMW convertible car and have my husband all rosey-cheeked speed through the dark streets. I never got to watch the amusement on the police officer’s face when he pulled us over only to see I was in labour and then switch his lights and sirens on the patrol car and escort us to the hospital. I never got to sit in the front seat giggling nervously, stopping to occasionally pant and squeal “ouchie” while listening to jazz classics. I never got to push three times and watch the baby shoot neatly out of my vagina, all clean and ready for the cameras, while my husband paced nervously, drank scotch and smoked cigars with the other husbands. You know like all the movies. That’s how natural child birth is isn’t it?
I was swollen, wore an ugly hospital gown and got my stomach cut open. I was much like a stoned beached-whale. And I got to do that three times.
It wasn’t until the third time that I realised what I had been truly missing. It wasn’t the water breaking, the labour pains or the pushing. I had never seen my placenta. So, while I lay there cradling my newborn baby, I proudly demanded: “I want to see my placenta. Get it for me and show me. Now.” I remember, as the nurse showed it to me, being overwhelmed with the symbolism of the bloody mess. Unfortunately, I also remember saying: “Oh wow, I don’t know what I’m more excited to see, my baby or my placenta.” I do believe this might be when they disposed of the said placenta and topped up my drugs. So here it is, a photo of me with my baby AND my placenta.
For those with squeamish eyes, DO NOT SCROLL DOWN!! For those like me, who had never seen a placenta, scroll away…
For more funny, yet not so confronting, birth photos, check out Woogsworld’s Facebook Page here. And for a more heartwarming account of the birth of my third baby read The Newborn. Thanks to the divine Mrs Woog and Fox in Flats for inspiring/forcing me to blog about this. Now, I will go back to packing in readiness for our big move. xx
Wow. I wasn’t expecting it to be purple. Thank you for sharing. I feel our friendship has move up to another footing.
That was a fabulous wonderful inspiring honest down to earth post, which was also a bit funny. Love you, and your babies but not really your placenta xx
I can vouch that “natural” births do not occur in any way shape or form as described above. There is a lot blood and guts, a great widening of the “highway” and a deep need to wear condoms filled with ice in your nana pants for days afterwards. And no, the pants were not silk.
What a lovely story – happy to hear you got to see it!
Suprisingly, after the birth of my son, my fiancé was more interested in the placenta than I was. He even insisted putting gloves on and giving it a poke, lol.
It is amazing to see what our bodies can do!
Love this post!
I got to see my firstborns placenta. We actually took it home and put it in the garden under a tree we planted for the baby. My second labour happened too fast for me to remember much at all.
Placentas are pretty fucking awesome. Planning on getting my next one dried and encapsulated… can’t quite bring myself to just fry it up.
My so called natural birth was, err, not quite as you described. Except for the Matt Damon look alike obviously. He was not my husband, but I hired him as pain relief.
My first placenta came out in bits… not so nice. But the second was beautifully intact and was roughly love heart shaped. I loved it… in a non weird placenta loving way!
On another note, I never got to know my waters broke. First time it was done by a midwife, second time I was in a fair amount of weird grunt noise making pain and don’t really remember.
I have birthed both my kids vaginally and that is the first time i’ve seen a placenta.
Are there really people who think that looks appetising?
Sweet Heavens, I love you Bianca. I have my own placenta story – too long to write in your comment section. It involves apple trees, a husband, a shovel, and an angry wife. Oh yes.
Your placenta is BEAUTIFUL. xox
I’ve never seen any of my babies placentas. I didn’t even think to ask. I’d seen pictures in the birth books and knew it was just like a huge liver.
I cringe every time I see one of those non-sweaty, fully made-up, every hair in place, TV moms “give birth”. In three minutes or less.
I LOVE this post AND your placenta. I remember my Ob showing me mine after Harper and pointing out the bits where she broke my waters right down to the crochet hook marks on it. I get it. Totes.
I tried to take a sneak peek at mine from the table (c-section also) but because I’d agreed for it to be donated to science they had to get it out quick smart. Keep it fresh and all that.
Who knew they were so big, hey?!
Mine from Olivia’s pregnancy was all calcified or something? With the tubes all on the outside or something weird? Gross. After seeing that, I had no desire or need to see any more bloody bits…
I have four beautiful daughters and never experienced natural childbirth either. 2 c-sections and 2 step children LOL! Can’t say I ever wanted to see my placenta though…. although yours is just lovely….I think…
Dude, the only thing that would have made this story better was knowing it was now safely wrapped in foil in the back of your freezer.
Is there really ice-filled condoms?? Fuck, I really missed out didn’t I?!!! xx
I’d imagine it would feel a little squishy!!!! x
Of course you would have a heart-shaped placenta – aww beautiful xx
I know someone who bbq’d theirs. Personally, it makes me gag, but all power to them for following through! x
Even if I tried my best I would still have fluffy hair and red, puffy cheeks. I bet you looked gorgeous x
Wow!! veyr cool. I was so amazed at how it gave life to my baby. Amazed x
Good on you for giving it over to science – I don’t think they gave me that option x
Oh honey, I can understand x
Why thank you Jodi!! You are so very lucky to have four daughters x
Anytime Steve, happy to share EVERYTHING!!! bahahahahahah
Without you and your gorgeous post and subsequent facebook postings I would never have sat looking through old photos. Was so wonderful looking back x
i love that you planted a tree over your placenta – a true tree of life xx
You can hire Matt Damon look alikes? Shit!
Lucky your husband didn’t hit you over the head with said shovel! Would love to hear more about your placenta story my dear friend Eden x
I scrolled before I knew what was coming…now I’m a tad queasy. I already passed out once today…
If I asked to see my placenta, they’d probably up my antipsychotics…seeing as I have, and might have for a while, no children
Placenta’s are thoroughly amazing and amazingly strange looking too. I remember my grandmother telling me even after having 5 children she never once got to see her placenta or even have her husband attend the birth.
Fantasticly, wonderfully, fabulously great post!! Love it!! At then end of the day cut it out or push it out who cares as long as 1. it’s out and 2. it’s in one piece and is healthy…….I’m talking about the baby but I guess that can relate to the placenta too lol!! I was fascinated by my placenta, I wanted to look at it more but the baby beckoned…….
Lovely pic of you, bub and your divine placenta 🙂
Ouchie? Far out, that made me giggle. And that is an awesome photo x How beautiful
I was so awestruck at seeing the placenta that I cried. Mind you, only the day before I hadn’t a clue I was about to go into preterm labour and deliver her 10 weeks early. Amaaazing stuff.
Great post, i totally get your need to see it. I had a heavily assisted natural birth (I was in theatre) in between 2 c-sections. I am pretty crap at giving birth “naturally”! But I vividly remember asking to see the placenta as I had missed out the first time (emergency c- section). It is certainly a thing of grotesque beauty, so ugly yet so necessary for our babies lives. But I didn’t get a photo of it…mummy fail!
Now you have me thinking ‘Did I see my placenta??” Honestly cannot remember, was so drugged up and in a numb world of shock and pain… I do however recall seeing my Sister’s and cruel irony would have it that it was more painful to pass than her baby! THAT was when she finally had the drugs on offer 🙂
My midwife gave me a full run down on my placenta and all its “good bits”. It’s fair to say I was more interested in Baby Holly! Ha! Great story. xx
Wow what an awesome picture. Ive had 2 natural and 1 c-section and ive NEVER seen my placenta. My hubby has though hes told me all about how it was as big as missE when she was born lol
Your description of natural childbirth is almost perfect! Only we drove to the hospital in an Audi…
…or was it the Astra?
No, my waters broke at the end of a yoga class, and I had to drive the Astra home, without a towel. My placenta came out in bits; it was ‘sticky’. Yes it was as unpleasant as it sounds. Must blog it one day.
Great post. Just found your blog and really enjoying it. 31 weeks pregnant with number three and hoping for a natural birth this time round. Not so fussed about the placenta!
I was never asked to see mine. Cool! I was going to save my umbilical cord for stem cells should my child get leukemia or another disease of the blood (I worked in Bone Marrow Transplant at the time), but it was very expensive, the chances of needing it are slim, it would have been very difficult with paperwork, etc. I decided to focus on my in vitro baby arriving after 6 years of infertility instead! My IVF baby, he’s 16 already, and my frozen embryo, she’s 14! It seems like yesterday!
I’m a new follower from the hop! Thanks for hopping by!
Have a great weekend!
Three c-sections? We are virtually (Caesarean) twins then!
But no, did not ask about my placenta on any occasion. Was too busy worrying that OH would pass out from the blood, never mind anything worse.
I never thought to ask about the placenta with my first baby. I totally forgot about it in fact.
With my second I asked to keep it, but it was in our freezer at home by the time I ever saw it. And that was when we were putting it in a pot under a lime tree.
With the third I had a fantastic midwife who showed me and explained all the bits and it was fascinating! That one was dug into the ground with the same lime tree planted over it.
Then we moved house and I made the hubster dig up the tree and pot it again to bring with us.
And then our fourth baby was born at home and I got to look at the placenta as it bobbed away in a bucket in the birth pool next to me.
That one is in the freezer as I type, waiting for the weather to warm up so we can dig a hole and place the lime over it where it will remain no matter where we end up.
No Placenta story… both of mine were natural… the first took 3 days to arrive and the second I was only in hospital for 17 hours… lol
if only it was really like the movies… ;D
My birth experiences were similar to yours. I’ve had two babies, two c-sections, GDM for both, breech baby with the first. One difference was that my waters did break for the second but I didn’t progress, thus a second c-section. I’ve never seen my placenta and possibly won’t get to see one now. At my age, it’s unlikely I’m having another bub, though if I do, I have been assured both GDM again and another c-section!
I almost vomitted. I have seen my placenta.
I have a placenta story too. With first baby, Big Girl, the head midwife grabbed the re-training midwife & said my placenta was a “text book”. Apart from a stunning newborn, I’d delivered an A Grade placenta that very few midwives get to see because apparently, you only ever see them in textbooks. Can’t remember what was so good about it … shape, size, colour perhaps but If my placenta could have had a score on delivery, it would have been 10/10.
Love Littlemissairgap, proud mother to Big Girl, The Little Master, Miss Flea & the Text Book Placenta.