Our family has been going through a rough patch. The behaviour of one of our girls has deteriorated. Public outings have been limited, celebrations torn apart, home time has been a battleground. It has truly been one of the hardest moments for all of us. Since the beginning of the year things have been tense. The past three months almost unbearable. We’ve been held at ransom somewhat. I recently wrote about us resorting to tough love, by taking away something precious to her. It didn’t work. Her behaviour has escalated to a point my husband and I knew we were out of our depths. We’d gone beyond breaking point.
There’s been many discussions into the night. Google’s been getting a hammering. Tears, oh how, there’s been tears – for everyone.
Then last weekend I did something big for me – I reached out on Twitter for help. Within seconds, I was inundated with the same response – contact Easy Peasy Kids.
That afternoon I was talking to my friend, the gorgeous Nathalie. I broke down on the phone to her and she reached out to me like no other. Suddenly our family was not alone. Suddenly our family was not suffering in silence. Our fears dispelled somewhat and behaviours explained as “normal” and within our reach to modify. What we were doing was not working. We were coming at it all wrong. We had to give it our best, try out all we knew, before asking for advice. I am so glad we recognised that it was time to seek professional advice. I can’t begin to tell you how grateful we are for her support.
I’ve since talked to her again and now have a list of activities. Positive parenting at its best. High praise. Calm and considered.
– you are reading this and you are at your wit’s end,
– you are beginning to resent your child/children for their behaviour,
– you feel like you are an awful parent,
– you’ve stopped doing things as a family or socialising with others out of nervousness of public meltdowns,
– you are anxious, agitated, angry and sad,
then talk to someone about it. There are solutions.
I’m not sure what will transpire over the coming weeks, but I do know that the past week has already provided us with much insight. I’m getting to know my girl again and she’s one amazing kid (not that I ever doubted that). She’s been hurting, we’ve been hurting and it’s time to put a stop to it.
Some small changes have already been such a gift. We went on a little holiday together and this time it wasn’t full of screaming, we were gifted with big stretches of joy instead. We’ve spent happy times together as a family.
The importance of talking can never be underestimated.
Reach out. Talk. You are not alone.
This is brilliant, Bianca. I so admire anyone who reaches out for help in their parenting – I reckon that’s something to be proud of. x
Thanks Megan. Nathalie is beyond amazing x
You are a beautiful mama Bianca.
You tried your best and then you knew when it was time to go to the best.I hope you feel proud in knowing you never gave up.
Nathalie is such an amazing person that she opens her heart and helps all she can,no matter what their situation.
I felt so alone with my sadness about my mum and other issues in my life.Twitter became my comfort.
Somehow Nathalie knew when I so needed her kindness and understanding,even though we have never meant.
Whoever said there are no angels on earth has never met Nathalie.x
She truly is a wonderful person – as too are you x
Darling beautiful Bianca it’s a pleasure, as an outsider it’s easier to put the puzzle pieces into some kind or order. It’s my work 24/7 and I know there will be a lot more happy family moments. xxx
You are so kind, insightful and adore you x
I agree with Megan. Asking for help just proves you are an awesome parent, truly it does. I agree talking works every single time. Big love to you all. Xxx
Thanks sweetheart xx
This parenting gig is hard isn’t it?! We too have spent many a night talking about out teen, googling things & talking to friends & family about what we can do about behaviors & attitudes we find not ok. I often feel like I’m alone in this struggle, that nobody has a kid as shitty as mine is but deep down I know I’m not alone. And now you know you guys aren’t either. Good on you for talking ( & writing) about it & here’s to living with our kids in all their glory- the good, the bad & the downright horrible xx
What did parents do before Google? big kisses x
Bianca, did you read my mind and compose that post for me? Literally today I thought, “maybe it’s time to call Nathalie from Easy Peasy Kids”. I can relate to your post and I share your frustrations at parenting a challenging child. I have one of those too, or perhaps I have two! I’ve been very reluctant to seek professional help because I don’t think temperament is something that can be changed, and maturity cannot be hurried. But maybe there are ways to respond to it better and I am sure I don’t have all the answers. Thanks for sharing your journey and please give us an update. Good Luck xx
If you are feeling that way then please contact Easy Peasy Kids – you will instantly feel like a weight has lifted. Good luck and much love honey xx
I am a liker of th Easy Peasy Kids page but didn’t realise she was a phone lifeline.
I don’t feel at my wits end (except when my manic depressions or anxiety kicks in) but I regularly feel that I am an awful parent. Part and parcel of being divorced I guess and only having my 2 kids 50% of the week. Positive parenting gets even harder when you have an ex and new partner who are trying to crush the spirit of your 11yo.
She is a wonderful women who runs a brilliant business helping families and kids. I really hope you have someone to talk with. You are not an awful parent xx
Oh my god you are describing my family this year. It’s been the breaking of me at recently. I have questioned my parenting, my children and even the value of my marriage, it’s been the hardest time of our parenting yet and thank god we were able to stop and see that we needed help. Thanks to a wonderful psychologist we are slowly building ourselves back up and finding our way again. Thank you so much for sharing your journey xxx
I’m so sorry you are going through this. Yet, I am so happy you have someone to talk to, to help make your journey easier. Only good can come of it xx
We all need help sometimes – parenting doesn’t come with a customized manual and every child is certainly different. In these situations you feel so guilty, so alone and so responsible for your child’s behaviour. And it’s hard to talk to other parents who won’t understand what is happening exactly in your family, with your child, even if they think they do. Well done for being brave enough to admit to not coping and seeking help.