Today one of the most amazing things ever happened to me. I went to the movies by myself. Nothing too amazing about that, I do that a lot. But today there was no-one else in the cinema, just me.
I could’ve sat in any chair. I could’ve sat in every chair and watched the movie from all different angles. Got every perspective. Instead, I sat on the first seat I saw and hardly moved at all. I was so still. I even ate my chips with barely a sound. Habit I suppose.
I looked about the art deco cinema, steeped in history. If only the walls could talk, luckily for me they were mute. I looked at the organ all covered up. It has such a loud sound when played, today it was silent. Perfect golden silence.
It was like the movie had been written for me, the actors chosen for me, the scenes played out all for me. My own private screening.
I imagine the experience would frighten many people who so desperately crave company. Being so alone would be terrifying. Their loneliness would bounce off the walls and ceiling and strike them in their heart. Not me.
Some people search all their life to not be lonely. I search for it.
I am constantly surrounded by noise. In my house. In my head. I crave quiet. Being alone is like gold to me. Pure gold of the shiniest variety. It’s out of necessity I spend time with myself to buff my soul, so it shines again.
As I sat, immersed in the movie, The Silver Linings Playbook, I thought back to last night. How I’d planned to go and see the movie alone on a Friday night. How, even for such a solitary person, I couldn’t face the prospect of walking through the crowd of people by myself. Something about it being Friday night and all. Instead I got drunk and cried myself to sleep. Silly. All of it.
I waited until today. My husband and my three girls dropped me right out the front of the quiet cinema. I prefer to be alone by myself, not surrounded by others.
Sitting in that cinema alone was like a gift, wrapped up in glittery paper. It was like crack for my soul. I don’t know if it will ever happen again – an empty cinema. I watched the entire credits, perfectly still. I savoured the moment. My own personal silver lining.
I kissed my husband so deeply when I came home. He was sitting at the kitchen table with the girls. They were having a birthday party for their toys complete with balloons, streamers, cake and a singing birthday candle. Noise everywhere. The best kind of noise.
The truth is I am never truly alone, even in the emptiest cinema.
I love the movies by myself. The fewer people in the cinema, the better. A private screening, yeah!
Becc @ Take Charge Now
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How unreal! Did you moon the cinema projectionist?
Although they probably don’t have them anymore…
That sounds fantastic! And what a homecoming.
(And on another note, how was the movie?)
Good one, B! Glad you did this & I loved being one of a few this afternoon at my local when I saw Quartet. I think next movie I see will be the one you did – looked good in preview D
I haven’t been to the pictures by myself for years! Not since I left London. Must arrange a date with myself. Getting the place to yourself was a treat xx
And what was the movie?
What beautifully written words, glad you got some solitaire time …you appreciate the noice once you replenish the soul ..Thankyou X Vesna .
oooo, I’d love the whole cinema to myself. The closest I’ve had was seeing Some Kind of Monster (the Metallica movie) with my 6 week old and a very conservative looking young girl with a ponytail. We eyed each other off, because clearly we both understood we were not the audience we were expecting, then sat oppersite ends of the cinema – she up the front and us up the back.
I like space between me and the other people, so I hate a full cinema. And I almost always go by myself, I actually don’t like going with other people anymore. I get all self conscious about how I’m sitting and am I moving too much etc….
I have preferred to go to the cinema by myself ever since I saw the piano with a fundamentalist chrisian male friend of mine when I was in my early twenties. AWKWARD! I hate my experience of the film being affected by someone else’s presence. Solitude = bliss! I think I will make a cinema date with myself this week. Thanks Bianca.
I love this. I too, crave to be alone sometimes. It’s a recharge. There is so much noise, busy-ness, people, mess, expectations, deadlines… etc etc etc. Sometimes it’s nice to just be. still. alone. ahhhhhhhh…
The first time I saw this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k7X7sZzSXYs, I wished I could be alone for long enough that I would actually know what it’s like to be lonely… hasn’t happened, and for that I have to be grateful. But sometimes, I do like the quiet weightlessness of aloneness.
Sounds like a wonderful day for you x
Many, many years ago I ended up in a cinema by myself…but I felt embarrassed. Silly, I know. I hear of more and more people going to the movies alone and so now I think it’s normal 🙂
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