Being a Mum is the hardest, most fulfilling job I’ve ever had. Sometimes, I hate it with a passion so vehemently it burns at my soul, fraying the edges. Sometimes, I am so consumed with guilt about everything and I question if my parenting will forever damage my girls’ psyches. Sometimes, I just want to run away. No-one will care if I’m gone. Their lives will go on. They will be better off without me nagging and screaming and worrying and getting in everyone’s way. Standing in their path to happiness.
And then, there are many times my laugh shakes my belly like an earthquake of joy. The kids’ tiny shrills of giggling ring out and wake the flowers from their slumbers. The sounds of purity make the stars twinkle and the sun shine brighter. My love for them reignites the flames of my inner being. It keeps me alive – burning brightly with passion. Sometimes, my body is completely overcome with my overwhelming commitment and love for them; I frighten myself. How can you love that strongly? It is the definition of contentment. Motherhood is a ride into the unknown – one of challenges and bliss – a perfect circle of yin and yang.
I am very lucky. I am a mother and I still have my mother in my life. For many, the choice to have kids is not theirs to make or the choice to see their mother is not one they can choose or want to make. For those who are filled with grief or longing or sadness or questions or resentment on Mother’s Day, I send you my understanding and compassion. You are loved.
For those who will snuggle up tight with their kids this Sunday, I wish you continued joy in this tumultuous journey. This circle of life.
* The necklace in the picture is a stunning gift from the generous Kate Sutton from Uberkate. I chose to have five small love hearts engraved on one side to symbolise the five people in my family. On the other side, I have the initials of my girls and the year they were born and the year my husband and I were married. I adore it. And it also helps when filling out forms and I can’t remember what year everyone was born!