There’s no gentle way of saying this, my husband got the chop. The Big V. He got fixed. It was quick, it was painless (for me), but it did keep me on my toes for a couple of days pandering to his desires. By desires I mean cutting his toast into triangles and making sure he had access to frozen peas at all times. As he put it, on his second day of bed rest and my second day of dealing with three children and bringing him chocolate and hot cups of tea: “I am having the best day ever”.
On the day of the operation, I felt strangely remorseful. A whole stage of our lives was about to come to an end – our baby making stage. We’ve got three gorgeous girls. We’ve had our fair share of babies and we’re ready to move on to the next stage, but still I felt sadness. I wasn’t sure what to do with myself when he was getting his operation, so I went and got a milkshake. In hindsight, it wasn’t really fitting. I should have gone to the pub and knocked back a couple of tequilas.
As I walked along sucking on my chocolate milk, trying not to gag every time I thought about what the doctor was doing, I reminisced about what an amazing time of life having babies is. No words can describe the amazement of looking into the eyes of your newborn child. The instant connection. The overwhelming feelings of responsibility. The love.
My husband was the one who initiated discussions on getting the chop. It was a discussion he had to initiate, it’s his body. I was relieved. I knew my body and my sanity couldn’t do any more children. I knew we had made our family and were “done”. I knew together we were making the right decision for us as individuals, as a couple and as a family. I knew we were ready to put our focus into growing together as a family, not continuing to grow the family. And anyway, we can’t afford a new car, nor can we fit anymore beds in our house.
Yet, still I can’t help but feel pangs of longing each time we drive past the hospital our children were born or touching my heart whenever I see a squishy baby or crying when I see the damn Huggies’ ads. It’s strange knowing there’ll be no more pregnancy tests or listening to tiny heart beats or marvelling at scans or changing teeny, tiny nappies. It’s strange thinking that’s all over. We now have different challenges to face, new beginnings to look forward to, like school and sleepovers.
I suppose what it really gets down to is, I can’t help feeling old. I can’t help feeling that my life is rushing by too fast. I need it to slow down a bit. I’m not ready for it to pass me by.
Is your family complete? Do you feel like you’re getting old? Or do I only feel old because I haven’t had a good night’s sleep in five years?
love the title of the post LOL hope hubby is recovering well?
and no, as our family has never been started, it will never be complete, something that just hurts like hell!
~x~
OOOH YES. definetly complete here and hubby contemplating this……but after having 3 boys including twins…….it is now time to nurture and wonder at how quick all that baby stage went!!!!!
We’ve had the ‘chop’ discussion too. We’ve only just had our third bub and we know we’re done. Our family is complete now, and like, you I’m ready to move forward now as five. I better get hubby onto organising it actually before there is an accident – not that there is any chance of that at the moment anyway! 😉
The Geege needs to do this. We are done!
My husband also got the Big V except he felt he didn’t need to rest and promptly went off to a football match the next morning. He sure was sore and sorry for himself by the time he arrived home squashed into a pair of my undies (for support), swollen and walking very strangely as I recall. Our 3rd child was 5 mths old and we were ‘complete’ but it was a very unusual feeling. We felt old yet we were only both 37. It was the realisation that we were really getting on with our life and that an amazing chapter was now over. We made the right choice BUT it doesn’t mean that I’m still not allowed to get teary and act all gaga around a baby.
I don’t think we are done yet, not yet. Those tiny nappies, those tiny babies, I went to visit my friend’s brand new baby on Saturday and although I know I’m not quite ready to go for our third, man I didn’t want to let go of her gorgeous little bundle. It made me feel like I could go on having newborns forever. Of course, I couldn’t but there is something inside that just makes me want them. Chop or not, I’m not sure this feeling will ever go away.
It’s good to hear feedback on what others have done. We never thought about the chop until my Obstetrician asked if I would like a tubal ligation with my cesarean last year due to my “age” (35) and the fact he believed vasectomies had too many complications (what the?). I’ve told Mr Savage he’ll be the one getting his bits fiddled with whenever that day comes because I’ve done my time.
Absolutely believe with ‘the chop’ being a relatively quick & easy procedure, it can be our partner’s way of saying ‘thank you for growing small people inside of you, and for the pain of getting said small people out of you, allow me to handle this wee little procedure’!
Having said that, although I was grateful my then husband wanted the procedure, I was still contemplating child number 3. I didn’t feel quite done. And although I’ve more chance of being abducted by aliens than having that third child now, I absolutely felt a loss, a sadness of what ‘the chop’ meant. I’m still ridiculously clucky, but feel my beautiful family is complete. However…I can’t wait to be a grandma just to have squishy cute babies around me again (without all the hard work of raising them!!)
You know your husband loves you when he has the V Job when you are finished having your family. That’s truth baby, that’s love …
my husband recently had the “snip” too. As much as I love our two kids I finally feel free to look forward to the future in a way that doesn’t involve nappy bags and prams. Plus I can finally be confident I will never need my jeans with the elastic waist again. Cheers to our new adventures
It is very final, isn’t it? Life is never better. x
I can’t WAIT to reach this stage. (Says she who is jaded and sick of the ‘ttc stage’ of life!)
My family was complete with the four kids, 2 boys, 2 girls. We couldn’t afford more, there were only six chairs at the table, my varicose veins got so very much worse with each baby….so I had my tubes tied. My decision. Back then vasectomies for men were almost unheard of. But years later, when hubby and I were divorcing, I remember feeling really upset that his girlfriend was pregnant. He was having another child! Not with me! And I was unable to have anymore! I cried. I got over it, but the initial shock was hard. And I’m still very satisfied with the four kids. And now I have grandchildren!
I think sleep deprivation is probably making you feel old.It is making me feel old.We have two beautiful children.
I so desperately want more.
Not because they aren’t enough, but just because I feel like our family isn’t quite done.
We’ve had about eighteen months now of actively trying, with no success to add to our family. I don’t really know what’s next, but my heart definitely breaks if I think about no more squishy baby cuddles, watching them develop and grow into unique little people…
I turned 44 at Christmas and only realised last year I wasn’t going to be able to have children. I’d waited (and waited) to meet the right man. Then I gave up and tried to have a child myself (well, with some help… not expecting immaculate conception or something!). Then I waited again, then last year delved into the IVF world and after some tests discovered it wasn’t to be.
I’d grown up expecting to marry and have a family. I don’t think I envisaged much else for my life as a youngster. But here I am…. (trying to reconcile my actual future, with my much-dreamed of future).
So… yes indeed, I feel like I’m getting too old. How the bloody hell did that happen? Where did my 20s go? My 30s?
Hmm… that’s all very depressing. Thankfully I’m doing Febfast, or I might have needed to go and pour myself a huge wine and scoff some chocolate!
Deb
Sorry to hear that Deb. What an amazing woman you are to be able to express that with both raw emotion and humour. I have only just given this topic thought because my sister and a surprising number of friends have also found themselves in the same boat. They were told to follow ‘the plan’ of waiting until “it” all fell into place. “It” being ob, man, house, kids. But their 20s and 30s are now behind them. They’re in their 40s, amazing women, but single & still waiting. I think this would be incredibly difficult & my love goes out to all of you.
The image makes me LOL.
Guess what’s happening today in our household… Or more accurately, at the hospital a few minutes away?? Bracing for Extreme Man Flu, and have Nurofen Plus on hand. 30 pack. Hmm, maybe I should get some wine. For me.
I felt exactly the same way Bianca. You could have written my feelings in this post. Wow.
My family is not complete. We have my son but no other kids yet. I do think that when we are “done” we probably won’t have to do anything since it seems like we are going to need a lot of extra help to even get pregnant.
I’ve just had my 2nd. We agreed together, no more than 2. I spent my entire pregnancy declaring “last one! Pulling out all stops to prevent any more!” My husband took the prevention method a bit too far and left me 2 months before the wee one was born.
If the right man came along and insisted, I might be convinced to go one more time….