Something is happening to me. I don’t know how much of it can be attributed to having three children? I don’t know how much comes down to age? What I do know is that I am going through a change.
Let me tell you why –
1) I have grey hairs in my eyebrows. At first I thought my eyebrows were sun-kissed, like Elle Macpherson. I was lying to myself. I began pulling them out whenever I discovered one. I stopped doing it when a beautician told me the hair follicle was dead and nothing would grow in its place. If I kept going, I would have a bald eyebrow. I would be forced to draw my eyebrows on with black eyeliner. I was mortified.
2) I can hold a can of Coke under my breasts. I couldn’t even hold a pencil under my boobs when I was younger. Now, ravaged by my three, breastfed babies, they hang, low and heavy. On the upside, they are very handy when I forget my shopping bags.
3) Still on boobs, I have hairy areolas. Seriously, where do all the hairs come from? Mother Nature must know there are NO REASONS for hair to grow there. Give me a break.
4) My vocabulary has hit the skids. Ok, that’s not entirely true. In recent years, I’ve added Twitter, widgets, ca ching ca ching ba bling ba bling and Belieber to my repertoire, but when it comes to describing things I like, I am stuck. What do the young people say? I still say groovy, fab, cool, hip and funky. I assume these words are anything but.
5) I just said: “What do the young people say?” If that doesn’t prove I’m going through a change, I don’t know what does?
6) I have been wearing the same style of jeans for four years. That can’t be good. They are so out of shape now I can’t tell if they’re skinny or boyfriend jeans. And stonewash is in, right?
7) I measure out spirit quantities when making cocktails. In my younger years, I’d just pour whatever booze we had in the house straight into my stolen beer glass or just skull straight from the bottle or the cask.
8) I have alcohol free days. Enough said.
9) I wear control undies, pull my socks up under my jeans and have been known to wear thermals. Mostly, these things are to smooth out my fat rolls, but recently I wore a singlet to keep my chest warm as it was “a little windy outside”. All my children wore one too. Actually, I think we may have also all been wearing floppy jeans and t-shirts layered over long sleeve tops, because that looks kind of funky doesn’t it?
10) And lastly, I laugh at my own jokes. Someone has to.
Have you undergone any changes lately?
Have you undergone any changes lately?
I no longer care that my knickers and bra don’t match! I used to be obsessive about this! Now I don’t give a stuff! Unless of course theres a good chance of a night of passion! Of course I could just turn the bloody light off! lol
I always love your honesty Bianca.
But I must say I haven’t done the coke can test – I may just have to though!
And to be truthful I choose big undies over up your bum ones any day – you gotta be comfy!!
Granny style undies. I wear big undies every single day. I mutter if I have to wear those young people hipster style ones.
I got a grey hair. Down there. I now no longer care if I laugh like my mother, it’s not a pleasant sound.The music is too loud and I don’t want to go into those young people clothes shops. I say cool… so,clearly, it’s not. We can change together, drink gin and point out each others grey eyebrow hairs and those horrid ones that sprout like magic on my chin.
Oh, and I seek out low lighting. I look so much better that way!
I’m only 24 and I relate to at least 90% of this list. What does that say about me?!
Either way, I hope it makes you feel better!
As I said on Twitter, I identify in more ways than one. Yet my husband still wants to make like a rabbit whenever he can, guess he is attracted to my brains.
Now, I think you should go design a T-shirt logo of hairy, droopy boobs carry a six pack of Coke.
I once had a scar on the tip of my hip bone…it’s now half way down the back of my arse…’nuff said.
BWAH! Oh this made me laugh. A lot.
I remember a time – not long after I turned 40 – at the salon while I was having my eyebrows waxed. A few moments later, the beautician enquired whether or not I’d like my upper lip waxed as well. I was all ‘Whaaat?? Because it needs to be waxed??’
It’s all downhill from there, bb. Hormones are a bitch. 🙂
Oh, and by the way? I would LOVE to have enough boob to carry a can of Coke that way, lol.
I’ll laugh at your jokes. Bloody funny.
Oh I’m way ahead of you babe. I’ve been sliding down that slope for many years. Now turn that awful music down an pass me my heated throw. And can you read the dosage on this medicine bottle for me? They make the print so small these days…
Sadly I am so there. Mind you point number 2 is really handy, especially on hot summer days, just slide a chilled can of coke under there and cool down.
Ha! All this and yet you laugh at my love of a nice warm wheat bag…
Biggest change for me since hitting mid-thirties and having kids? Wrinkles. And just looking tired all the time…
Oh god, hairy nipples, I totally can relate. I have no idea what’s going on!
I do not know where to start. Seriously.
I do not care. That’s the biggest sign of old age. I am turning into a grumpy old woman who does not care.
The eyebrow thing has been freaking me out – but I’ll have to stop pulling them, don’t want to have to draw them on! Eeeeek!
Stop it! Next thing you’ll be telling me you make the same little ‘ugh’ sound I do, every time you sit down in a chair… x
Hair – what a torment!
High five for the truth and thanks for the eyebrow tip off – I was heading for trouble there.I think the biggest tip off for me is that more and more the words that spill unwittingly from my mouth truly sound like my Mum [bless her cotton bedsocks] when I was a teenager – that can’t be good.
Happy hug for your honesty!
unsure of your age, but as a 32 yo I am already scarily relating to a lot of your list….and obviously have much more to look forward to :/
Great blog 🙂
You’re hilarious! I relate to several of these! x