Soon I’ll be turning the Big Four Oh. Yep 40. I am not excited about it.
I always thought I’d be, but I’m not. We are going away as a family to celebrate. Off to Cairns and Port Douglas. A fancy restaurant is booked and a babysitter. I am thrilled to be going out with my husband. I am also counting my blessings to be able to chill with my girls for a week in a tropical paradise. All of those factors excite me, but the actual turning 40 part, not so much.
So many people who have already turned this magic number say how amazing it is. They feel more comfortable in their skin. Braver to be who they are and unafraid of speaking their mind. I get all of that and mostly I already feel most of those things, particularly the “speaking my mind part”.
It’s the physical act of getting older. I am scared of ageing because I don’t want to die. I see every step now closer to death. I have never been more attuned to it as I am now. Is this something that happens when you near a milestone birthday? Is this what you felt too? Will this stop soon, so I can get on with my life?
I Googled turning 40 and there were pages and pages of people suffering anxiety about it. I’m not alone out there I know. I’m also very aware of how lucky I am to get to forty, so many people don’t. I am not winging, I am just wondering when this intense period of trying to run from it will go away?
I haven’t organised anything with friends, the whole idea of it makes me want to hide under my covers. Of course, if I do nothing then I will be sad too. I don’t make it easy for myself.
I don’t want parties. I want a quiet gathering at a pub with a few mates drinking pints of beer and talking about anything but me turning 40. This is so unlike me.
If you’ve turned 40, or are turning 40 soon, please tell me what did you do to mark the occasion? Did you get all stupid like me?
bigwords x
Hi, I'm Bianca Wordley, I write about life.
I turned 40 over 5 years ago. The thing I most remembered was a feeling of regret – of having missed out on so much. Well, that and an overwhelming sense of failure. Interestingly it was the basics I felt I’d failed at – partner, kids and so forth. Others seemed to have it all and I felt like I had nothing.
That was completely the opposite to turning 30 when assumed I’d meet the man of my dreams and have a family. At 30 I felt there was still time.
Alas.
Having said all of that – I’ve done a bit of soul-searching in the last 5 years following the realisation that my life wasn’t to be as I’d pictured it!
Deb
Ah, I had the great big party jointly with my darling husband whose birthday is 3 weeks after mine. Lots of friends from all over the place, jugs of cocktails – I had to have Jamaicing Me Crazies after having them in Vegas, the baby asleep in our bedroom! I had The Festival of 40 (I try to have a festival every year!), fancy lunches, parties, cakes. Enjoy your holiday in the tropics!
For my 30th I jumped out of a plane. It was amazing and memorable.I wanted to do something out of my comfort zone. So with my fortieth fast approaching, I needed to find something again out of my comfort zone and something memorable.
The mud run is happening in Sydney the day before my Fortieth. I think it’s a sign. I have a reasonable level of fitness but have never does a fun run before. First time for everything. Time to embrace my forties. About 20 of my friends are going to do it with me, then off to the pub for dinner, drinks and laughs. I can’t wait!
I didn’t do anything as it was the one year anniversary of my Dad’s death (I know, I know, selfish huh?).. It’s also the 1st of January, so a sucky day.
So instead, I started a fight with my Mum and then felt sorry for myself all day (maybe a few emotions flying around there).
I ended up wishing I had’ve organised something at least, so I could have pulled myself out of the 40 melancholy.
Bottom line: if you are feeling a bit funky about it all, force yourself to celebrate. Friends and a few drinks will make it all okay. (IMO)
I had my 40th last year and, to be honest, it was very unremarkable! This was probably due to the fact that I had chickenpox! Yes, chickenpox. It went through my son’s childcare centre and because he was under 18 months at the time, and therefore hadn’t had his 18-month-old shots, he picked up a (thankfully) mild dose. Then I got it and then my husband! (My immunised older son was the only one who didn’t get it!) So the entire month of my 40th was a write-off. I’m determined to make up for it somehow, but I reckon I might do this randomly – maybe for my 43rd or something like that – less pressure that way! Personally, I don’t feel any different in myself for having turned 40. But sometimes it strikes me that I’m 41 – 41! How the bloody hell did that happen?!
I wrote about it nearly 7 years ago http://semanticallydriven.com/2006/10/happy_40th_birt.html. Go with it I say as there’s nothing you can do to reverse it. I had a party at home and had a lovely time. Stayed up all night which I rarely ever do but it just seemed right that night.
Mine is very soon too and I feel exactly the same way o_O
When I was coming up to my 30th I had a sudden realisation that I was actually looking forward to it. I’d got my body back after my second child. I was struggling with my RA diagnosis but at that point it was mild, and manageable. I was back singing and working and I felt te most ME than I had in a long time – and I wanted to mark that. Sadly, things weren’t fabulous with my then husband and our marriage was over a couple of years later – and I never had the party I wanted. A lot had changed as we headed into the year I’d turn 40. In conversations with friends we talked about how we’d celebrate and it was all looking potentially very exciting. Then, three months before my 40th birthday and ten days before her own, my mother died very unexpectedly. It was an awful time. My eldest son was brilliant and supportive but a few months I when people started asking what I was doing for my birthday, I just didn’t want to know about it. A group of my friends got together and organised a dinner in a restaurant and made me celebrate. I’m so very grateful til they did that, but to be honest, I don’t remember much of the evening. It was still too raw a time, emotionally. Since, I’ve turned 50 (OMG!!!!!) and at THAT time, I was less than a month out of hospital after the RA had become severe and uncontrolled. My partner booked us a week away for that – just the two of us – in a dolls house cottage at Jervis Bay not doing too much. It was lovely after being in hospital. There was a dinner with family and some close friends, but it’s the quiet time recoinecting with my partner that I remember better and treasure.
If I’m trying to say something in particular – and I think I am – it’s that it’s ONE day. One day and a bunch if stuff we’re conditioned to think and feel certain things about. It’s not the be all and end all. It’s a day. Another birthday. And the absolutely most important thing to remember is that you have Twiggy and the girls and the life you’ve built – and THAT is made up of many many days, one after the other, that are all soecial in their own way. And celebrate that. We’re a long time dead, and the time we have must be treasured in all its infinite variety. 40 is just a number. I don’t know what it looks like or how it’s supposed to feel – or 50, for that matter! We are so much more than a number. xxxx
I recently turned 42.
Don’t blink!