I’m calling it, Twiggy and I are teenage old people. Practical jokes, sarcasm and all round silliness keeps our relationship vibrant.

Sometimes our jokes backfire, like the time I left a massive rat’s tail in the centre of the back of Twiggy’s head, when shaving his hair for him. A phone call from his boss the next day telling me I was a “champ” that the whole office thought it hilarious, followed by a phone call from Twiggy telling me he was mighty pissed at me – wasn’t a highlight, but still a talking point to this day. He can smile about it now, but it took him about a decade to get over it. As I’m also pretty sure some his old work colleagues have only just gotten over the crab he left taped to the underside of his desk when he left his job years later.

We’ve put glad wrap over toilet seats, told my mother one of our goats had climbed to the top of the tallest gum tree and did she have a massive ladder to help get it down? Or there’s the time Twiggy and I made a sticker that read: “If this van’s a rockin’ don’t come a knockin'” and stuck it on the back of Mum and her partner’s campervan. Twiggy also told a journo friend of ours, when on a newspaper job in the middle of the outback, that the work car was playing up and could she jump out to check, only for him to drive off and leave her stranded on the side of the road*. But mostly it’s just little jokes played on each other that are the funniest.

Like on Friday night when my husband calmly informed me that when he posted a package to my mate for her 40th he’d put the sender as: Bianca Sphincter. I immediately informed Facebook of this deception to be promptly informed by BabyMac that when Twiggy had transferred some money into her bank account that the reference he put was: Bianca loves cock. OMFG – how many other aliases have I got?

We must have found the experience so hilarious that we decided to drink fifty five litres of white wine. And then in the morning when I walked out the back I discovered a shopping trolley* sitting in the garden. I shit you not.

bigwords x


* He came back for her.

**Disclaimer: The trolley had originally been left on the side on the road. We’ve now rung the shopping centre to come and collect it.