A funny thing happened to me the other day while enjoying a relaxing walk in my local park. These two bras walked past me and started chatting to each other about how perky and fabulous they were: “Wow, you look great, something different? You lost weight?”.

As I listened to the bras chat vivaciously, I found myself tugging at my ill-fitting bra. The straps kept slipping off my shoulder and my breasts were hanging a little low (like they were practically dragging on the ground).

And as fast as you could say: “Did someone put LSD on my porridge this morning because there’s two bras in the park chatting to each other?”- a lightbulb went off *ding*. I thought to myself, maybe I too could look as amazing as the talking bras. If only I knew how? Then two lightbulbs popped into my head *ding ding*. I know, I’ll get plastic surgery just like the boobs that sat perkily inside the lacy talking bras. That’ll make me feel better about myself. All my cares will vanish in a puff of smoke *poof*. Then forever more I will be known as the happy lady with the enormous boobs.

Just like that, I booked myself into my local plastic surgeon and got my puppies fixed. Voila.

OK, that did not happen. What did happen was I was sitting on the couch last night eating fried wonton and watching Big Brother or something equally as crap and then this stupid, stupid advertisement came on. Much as I hate to give it anymore airplay, it’s necessary for international readers who would not have had the pleasure of throwing things at their television when it comes on.

The campaign is backed by more than 100 Australian plastic surgeons who want to get women talking about plastic surgery. They want us to get more of it.

It sure has got me talking about local plastic surgeons and what a bunch of knobs they are. Seriously, talking bras? I’m not really fussed if someone gets their boobs done, each to their own. After having three kids I’d almost consider it myself if it wasn’t so pricey and didn’t hurt so much. I’m too cheap and a big wimp so I prefer to just buy a good bra, not one of these mouthy talking ones, just a  mute one with good divide and conquer properties.

I’m more offended by the ridiculousness of bras talking. And I’m also annoyed by the bra’s sing song voices – gag. And then there’s the whole: “Wow, you look great, something different?” as if to imply you looked shit before you got your boobs done.

Advertising companies of the world. Give us a break. Woman are not that stupid. We can see through your talking bra bullshit. Give us some ads that are clever – like we are.

Do your bras talk to you?

bigwords x