Sponsored by Target
This was meant to be a post about the fabulous, colourful, trendy Spring Fashions at Target and the cool Oh My Gok outfit recommendations on offer, but things don’t always turn out that way. I walked into my local store and started running my hand across the lovely dresses, tops, skirts and stylish jackets. So much loveliness, but alas I wasn’t in the mood for buying clothes. I’ve written about my weight struggles a lot. Every time I address the problem I seem to get a little wider. A bit like Pinocchio – except the only person I’m lying to is myself. I look in the mirror and try and talk myself out of getting serious. I pretend I’m not overweight, when I clearly am.
The truth is I haven’t exercised for months. I now stand on the scales at the heaviest I’ve ever been (without being pregnant). I am eating and drinking with reckless abandon. Buying nice outfits for myself seems pointless when I’m not feeling positive about the way I look.
So, instead searched the Target store for inspiration. Or should I call it THINspiration. It’s amazing what you can find.
First off, I got a brand new set of super dooper scales. We’ve had our old ones for about a decade. This one does the fancy stuff – weighs you, works out your water, body fat, BMI, bone mass and when I get brave enough to take it out of the box it will give me the almighty reality shock I need. I’m hoping I will have an “aha” moment.
Next up, I grabbed one of these. It’s a nifty arm band that I can pop my iPhone in and listen to music while I’m shuffling along. I hope the sweet sounds of hip hop will help drown out my whinging.
Then, I purchased this bowl with a love heart in it. It’s my “Soul Bowl”. When I make a good choice for my body – go for a walk, have a alcohol free day, not eat a chocolate biscuit before bed – I’m going to put a bit of money in it and then when I need a boost I’m going to use the money for a treat, like a massage or pedicure. And I’ll put some into my Giving Bowl for charity. Share the love people.
Lastly, I decided to buy some new nail polish. Just because I feel crap about how I look on the outside does not mean I should have bad nails. Everyone needs a little hot pink neon and sparkle in their life.
I’ve walked this path before. Over and over. This time I’m going to start with small steps.
Good luck, Bianca. The nail polish is a great idea!
Kinda in this place myself at the moment. Waiting to got serious about weight loss whilst shoving more food and drink in my mouth.
What a lovely, (and as always) honest post…I think days like this is what shoes were invented for.
Oh beautiful beautiful girl. I have walked this path too, so many times. Or not walked it. There is so much shame, embarrasment, and self-deprecation that goes along with being overweight. The internalisation of all of these feelings weigh us down. These feelings weigh a lot.
Just know that these feelings represent not one iota of why people value you, and what you have to offer the world – all of that is inside you. You are 100% authentically awesome.
Toss out the feelings, and fill up your lovely bowl. I look forward to being with you on your journey xoxo
What lovely ideas! And just remember you are beautiful Bianca, no matter what you weigh.
Hearing you loud and clear, I LOVE the nail polish, that’s a great pick me up when you are feeling down. I put on ten kgs when I went on Mirena, and after it has fallen out, no weight has come off. I’m in my last week of a 6 week Bootcamp, after not exercising for years. The first session was absolutely terrifying, but I’d prepaid so I couldn’t abandon it, especially when our household budget is so tight. Now I’m feeling much more confident, have made new pals, learnt how to box, and am on my way to a new me. It’s going to be a long road, but I’ve taken the step, and as terrified as I was, I needed to do it. If you lived in North Qld you could come along with me.
Small steps are always the way to go.
And I second Bronnie’s comments – you are lovely no matter what you weigh x