Sponsored by Target
This was meant to be a post about the fabulous, colourful, trendy Spring Fashions at Target and the cool Oh My Gok outfit recommendations on offer, but things don’t always turn out that way. I walked into my local store and started running my hand across the lovely dresses, tops, skirts and stylish jackets. So much loveliness, but alas I wasn’t in the mood for buying clothes. I’ve written about my weight struggles a lot. Every time I address the problem I seem to get a little wider. A bit like Pinocchio – except the only person I’m lying to is myself. I look in the mirror and try and talk myself out of getting serious. I pretend I’m not overweight, when I clearly am.
The truth is I haven’t exercised for months. I now stand on the scales at the heaviest I’ve ever been (without being pregnant). I am eating and drinking with reckless abandon. Buying nice outfits for myself seems pointless when I’m not feeling positive about the way I look.
So, instead searched the Target store for inspiration. Or should I call it THINspiration. It’s amazing what you can find.
First off, I got a brand new set of super dooper scales. We’ve had our old ones for about a decade. This one does the fancy stuff – weighs you, works out your water, body fat, BMI, bone mass and when I get brave enough to take it out of the box it will give me the almighty reality shock I need. I’m hoping I will have an “aha” moment.
Next up, I grabbed one of these. It’s a nifty arm band that I can pop my iPhone in and listen to music while I’m shuffling along. I hope the sweet sounds of hip hop will help drown out my whinging.
Then, I purchased this bowl with a love heart in it. It’s my “Soul Bowl”. When I make a good choice for my body – go for a walk, have a alcohol free day, not eat a chocolate biscuit before bed – I’m going to put a bit of money in it and then when I need a boost I’m going to use the money for a treat, like a massage or pedicure. And I’ll put some into my Giving Bowl for charity. Share the love people.
Lastly, I decided to buy some new nail polish. Just because I feel crap about how I look on the outside does not mean I should have bad nails. Everyone needs a little hot pink neon and sparkle in their life.
I’ve walked this path before. Over and over. This time I’m going to start with small steps.
bigwords x
Hi, I'm Bianca Wordley, I write about life.
Good luck, Bianca. The nail polish is a great idea!
Kinda in this place myself at the moment. Waiting to got serious about weight loss whilst shoving more food and drink in my mouth.
What a lovely, (and as always) honest post…I think days like this is what shoes were invented for.
Oh beautiful beautiful girl. I have walked this path too, so many times. Or not walked it. There is so much shame, embarrasment, and self-deprecation that goes along with being overweight. The internalisation of all of these feelings weigh us down. These feelings weigh a lot.
Just know that these feelings represent not one iota of why people value you, and what you have to offer the world – all of that is inside you. You are 100% authentically awesome.
Toss out the feelings, and fill up your lovely bowl. I look forward to being with you on your journey xoxo
What lovely ideas! And just remember you are beautiful Bianca, no matter what you weigh.
Hearing you loud and clear, I LOVE the nail polish, that’s a great pick me up when you are feeling down. I put on ten kgs when I went on Mirena, and after it has fallen out, no weight has come off. I’m in my last week of a 6 week Bootcamp, after not exercising for years. The first session was absolutely terrifying, but I’d prepaid so I couldn’t abandon it, especially when our household budget is so tight. Now I’m feeling much more confident, have made new pals, learnt how to box, and am on my way to a new me. It’s going to be a long road, but I’ve taken the step, and as terrified as I was, I needed to do it. If you lived in North Qld you could come along with me.
Small steps are always the way to go.
And I second Bronnie’s comments – you are lovely no matter what you weigh x