It’s Christmas time again and that means trawling through toy stores to find gifts for friends’ kids and our kids. We don’t have to search far though, as one of our children will be too small to even know she’s got a gift and the other two have been pretty clear on what they want; Duplo and a Barbie pony stable.
This Xmas will be the first time Barbie enters our house. I’ve fought it for nearly four years, but with three girls it seems inevitable. I think our eldest will be most fixated on the horse anyway. And our two year old, well anything could happen there. I imagine Barbie will be thrown off the bed, while said child squeals “weeeeeeeee” and I could imagine Barbie will get slammed against the ground, while the two year old shouts “bang, bang” and perhaps, Barbie will have its limbs torn off. Our two year old isn’t violent, just a tad crazy. Loco!
We’ve taken photos of said Barbies and emailed them to Grandma. Being the feminist that she is (and I say that in a good way) she’ll ‘love’ to buy them for the kids. Nothing like buying a doll with DD cup boobs for your grandchildren. Hey, at least I’m not asking for Bratz dolls. THAT WILL NEVER HAPPEN. Those slutty Bratz dolls make Barbie look like a ‘nice girl’ and that’s pretty hard.
Anyway, this story isn’t about what our kids want for Xmas it’s about the ‘toy’ I found. It was on sale which is always good when you’re looking for gifts. It looked sturdy enough. It had potential to not only be fun, but also be used as a teaching aid. Kids could use the ‘toy’ for ‘role play’ and learn ‘valuable’ life lessons, vital for when entering the workforce. It would help develop a ‘healthy work ethic’. And it would also help teach your children about ‘food’. This ‘toy’ is now on my Xmas list.
At $59.94 this ‘toy’ is a steal. I can’t believe they haven’t run out the door. I mean, every little kid wants a McDonald’s Drive Through Centre for Xmas. Don’t they? And it even comes with ‘food’ so your kids can learn how to ‘cook’. Not sure if the obnoxious kid comes with it, but wouldn’t that make it even better?!
Are they fucking serious? Who would buy this so-called ‘toy’? Could you imagine the reaction you’d get if you gave it to someone else’s kids? If it came with a bong, a bag of marijuana and some real burgers I’d know a few adults who’d love it. But there’s no way this gift is ever leaving or entering my house. I’d like my kids to aim a little higher – at least Red Rooster.
So, while marvelling at this ‘toy’ and feeling a little weird taking photos of it with my iPhone, my husband pointed out yet another marvellous sight at the local toy store. And I tell you, I didn’t feel strange at all running down the aisle to grab a picture.
As I laughed, I knew there was only one thought going through my husband’s mind: “Even the toy horses are getting more action than me”. So true honey. This time you’re right.