When Patrick’s words faltered and he slumped over in his seat, I’ll admit I shed some tears. It was sad. Except as quickly as I started to well up, I stopped. You see, 40 million ads tend to get in the way of a good fictional drama.
One ad which was on high rotation was for a car company – the official sponsor of Offspring. Who knew there was such a thing? And this is where it got awkward. Was the person who hit Patrick driving the official sponsor’s brand of car? I suppose it would make sense as a tv death does bring up the ratings. I’m just not sure if tying the brand recognition of your car to a hit and run death is the most clever alignment?
The other realisation I had was the overwhelmingly outpouring of grief displayed on social media didn’t match my own. I totally get it, but I find real life far more tragic. I wasn’t as distraught as when Molly died in a Country Practice. You see, I was a child then, I hadn’t known much grief. Her dying was one of my first real experiences of death. I sobbed for days, I still sob when I see that episode. I can’t begin to tell you the emotions that ran through me when, just a few months after her TV death, I saw the actress who played Molly walking down our city mall. I begged my Mum to take me over to her so I could blab how much I loved her. The poor woman looked like the constant declarations of adoration, from complete strangers wherever she went, were wearing thin.
Like Country Practice, Offspring is a TV show – a highly emotional, embraced one at that. I wonder if Matthew Le Nevez, the man who plays Patrick, will rue the day he agreed to playing this character. He will now be the poster boy of organ donation. He will now be privy to many a personal story of grief. I wonder if he’ll just get on a plane to LA and not come back.
I don’t think I’ll be watching next week’s episode. I can’t bear to watch grief play out on my tv screen, peppered with advertisements for cleaning products and cleansing wipes. I’ve felt real grief, I don’t want to feel “fake grief”. It hurts too much. Why try and recreate it with a bowl of crisps and glass of wine by your side?
Real life is tragic. I know a “real life” person who died in his wife’s arms recently, leaving behind a beautiful child. Every time I think about that reality my heart heaves.
Life doesn’t neatly package up your emotions into episodes. You don’t get a commercial break to catch your breathe. There is no fabulous new role waiting for the people written out of reality. There is no script development. Real life is often cruel. It doesn’t make sense. It tears families apart indiscriminately.
My tears fall for those who are grieving in real life.
bigwords x
Hi, I'm Bianca Wordley, I write about life.
Thanks for posting this Bianca. I am a typical wuss at tv sob stories – but my life in the last few years has encompassed very real, very raw grief, including the unimaginable sorrow of my stepkids after their mum was murdered. And I lost my own brother a few short weeks ago to cancer. I was more annoyed by the storyline than sad about it. It’s a show, with actors and they will do what actors do…go off and find new projects and screenwriters will do what they do, write for interesting and engrossing story lines. The whole show would become tedious if it were only about happy families. But yeah, I’m not sure I’m up for the funeral scene.
Ax
Oh sweetheart, I can not even imagine how you’re feeling. Much love to you and I will also not be watching the funeral scene xx
What a post. This is the most brilliant perspective I’ve seen on Patrick’s death yet.
I was a little sad, like I am with many TV deaths, but it didn’t hit me like others? Do we grieve for Patrick more because he’s so hot, I wonder?
What moved me the most was the message about Donate Life that was slipped in. My eyes welled up at Nina being asked about Patrick’s organ donor status. A close friend was an organ recipient this year and it meant so much yet this important message was getting out on prime time TV.
Your comments about organ donation are spot on. The best thing to come out of last night’s show is the awareness x
I actually found the outpouring of grief on social media for a fictional character quite disturbing. I TOTALLY get that people shed tears seeing something sad happen on TV. I do, all the time. But then I forget about it, because I know it’s fiction. Actors reading lines written by writers. It’s nice that people feel connected to the characters, but last night I sensed a blurring of the lines between fact and fiction, and it worried me. Real tragedy calls for that kind of outpouring of grief, not a TV drama.
See my comment on this Kerri – I think it relates to real life grief. Well it does for me!
To be really honest I didn’t actually find the storyline that good. That might also be part of the reason for a lack of connection x
And another things – there see to be more news coverage about Patrick’s death than some real deaths. We are seeing a lot talk a lot about certain murders being more prominent than others but I imagine the coverage of a TV characters death would feel quite insulting and upsetting for those grieving for a loved one in real life. Your headline says it all. It’s just a TV show.
I haven’t been a big fan of Offspring this season.
I was 18 when Molly died. Watched it in a room full of girls at my uni’s residential college. Will never forget. One old TV in 1985 for 100 plus girls.
Since then I’ve tragically lost people in real life. I think situations like last night (particularly when you’re invested in the drama of the show) can trigger the “real” grief that you may have experienced in life. I know that’s what it is for me. That’s why I don’t dismiss it in others.
I can not imagine the sounds coming out of that college room – big heaving cries. I don’t dismiss grief in others, I just can’t connect as strongly xx
I love Offspring & was super sad, shocked & angry after last nights show but I watched it differently to you B.
I didn’t notice the car tie at all. Yes ads are annoying but I accept them as part of my tv experience & kind of zone out or use that time to do something else.
I lost my sister a few years ago & any hospital scene with a person on life support instantly brings back the memories of sitting beside my 27 year old sister. It’s hard, really really hard & last night watching Nina touch Patrick as he lay on that bed was gut renting.Even though I know they are not real people I’ve been there & it never fails to punch me in the guts.
The fact that I had a baby number 3 a few months ago probably made me more emotional than I would have been as I watched a heavily pregnant Nina be told the dad of her unborn baby had not survived. I cant even imagine what that would be like & it made me thankful I have a supportive husband in my life. Even though he is only home once every 5 weeks I can’t imagine not having him around.
I know it’s only a show & I’ll be able to continue living but I still feel sad.
I cried too. You know since I had kids I cry at everything, I think that’s partly why I am not into watching such sadness in tv shows. x
Thank you! Don’t judge me, but I don’t watch Offspring. Have never even seen an episode. No real reason, just never started so never got addicted I guess. And I DO get addicted to shows. I become completely invested in their stories and I cry like a fruitcake [but never more than watching the back story of any singing audition – gah!]. I CANNOT believe the response to Patrick’s death [more, I can’t believe I know this bloke’s onscreen name]. Not only on social media but on the REAL news too!!!? Talk about a television series success story. I agree with what Nikki said. These things are triggers and there seems to be a shitload of chicks out there that are carrying some grief around in their hearts 🙁
No judgement here – watch what you like!! Yes, I can see how death triggers bigger feelings in people without a doubt.
and I too cry at backstories on singing shows!!
I loved the first few series of Grey’s Anatomy and I did feel a heart connect (perhaps my own recognition, something speaking to me, something reaching me, perhaps me recognising something in myself – something opening my eyes – I don’t know) but I did sob a lot in the first few series. For something to move me to tears; it is an emotional recognition a sense of I don’t even know how to express it a sense in something recognising you,seeing you, relating to the drama, even if I have experienced the actual event or not.
I know it’s just a TV programme (Grey’s Anatomy) – but it was more than that for me, empathy and loss. I feel the same way about books and when a book moves me – it breaks my heart or makes me cry – fiction or non-fiction (for a little bit of time, I know it’s not real)
Is this the way people feel about music? Writers? Artists? Or a celebrity? I don’t know. All I know is there are certain books which both touched me, moved me and recognised something in me or me in the words? and the same goes for some (but very few) characters on TV series’. And Nelson Mandela. And people I actually know.
I was out to dinner on Wednesday night with a group of friends/relatives when I asked “I wonder who’s going to die on Offspring tonight?” I was greeted with blank looks. Not one person on the table of over 25 people was a fan.
I’m sure if I’d been home and watching while perusing twitter I would have got caught up in the reaction, but I think when it comes to social media, particularly twitter, you have to put it into perspective. It’s an immediate response to an event in realtime. Twitter has a similar reaction to a real life tragedy, all hot air for the first few hours and then nothing. It trends, it moves on.
There’s a fabulous episode of Graham Norton in Series 13 where he has Mathew from Downton Abbey on the show talking about the reaction to the death of his character on Christmas Day last year. It was HUGE on Twitter. Some of the tweets were read out on the show – hysterical.
my take is a little different … yes, it was a TV show, but I believe it is such public experiences of grief (whether for a TV character or a public figure) that helps support those of us who have experienced real grief, usually privately and often in isolation. apart from the first weeks and the funeral, our culture does not allow us to express our ongoing grief, the devastation that can stay with us, cripple us, for months, even years … when an event allows us to grieve in unison it can help lessen, albeit temporarily, the emotional barriers that persist. xt