It ended badly. Me yelling at the kids: “You can all get stuffed”.
It didn’t start out that way. You see, I was feeling generous and instead of putting noodles in a bowl with cheese on top I thought I’d put more effort into dinner. I lovingly chopped some bacon and quartered the tomatoes and lightly sautéed. I drizzled the pasta with olive oil and seasoned it. I got the good parmesan out and dusted the al dente spaghetti with the golden cheese.
I’ve been watching Masterchef. They’ve been in my most favourite place in the whole world, behind, New York, Italy. I thought I’d liven up meal time. You see, I am a crap cook. I lack talent and patience. I got all fancy and just knew my kids would gobble it up. Well, I hoped they would. I’d used all my ingredients in the pantry. I’d passed the invention test without chopping my own thumb off or setting fire to my jus.
I was hoping for a goddamn immunity pin.
In each bowl, I tweaked the meal according to dietary requirements. Miss L didn’t want cheese. Miss E wanted only cheese and bacon and Miss H wanted everything.
I called them to dinner and waited. My presentation was shit, the food was as lukewarm as it would be if camera crews had shot it from fifteen different angles and I stood anxiously awaiting my fate.
And then it happened. They stared at their meals and picked at the pasta. Miss L said: “I hate the tomatoes.” Miss E said: “I hate the bacon.” and Miss H said: “Yuck” and threw some pasta onto the ground. Next dinner I’m going to give them a cravat and tell them to get on with it.
“Well,” I boomed. “You can all get stuffed. I’ve had enough. Eat nothing and don’t ask for anything more to eat. I mean it. I will not give you anything more to eat. Now go away.” I would’ve voted them off the island, but my life’s no friggin’ reality tv show, it’s reality.
I’m happy to report that over the course of the next two hours, the kids ate their dinner. They would do anything for yoghurt. And frankly, it was cold sitting outside.
Tonight I’m going back to my staple culinary repertoire of burnt fish fingers, because I am sick of cooking food, pleading with the kids to eat it and then tipping it all into the bin moments later. It bores me, but it won’t stop me writing my own cookbook: “Shit To Feed Your Kids” with the accompanying cookware – a straw and a bottle of gin, to get through the daily grind.
Do your kids eat their dinner?
bigwords x
Hi, I'm Bianca Wordley, I write about life.
I cook like a woman possessed! I love it problem is I have a hubby who dies FIFO work, a son who lives on cereal ( not exaggerating at all) & another who will try most things but would prefere pasta over anything. I’ve taken a leaf out of Gourmet Girlfriends book. I cook what I want & if they don’t want it they make themsves weet bix. My hope is they’ll get sick of eating weet bix & eat my food. The reality is I buy a lot of weet bix….
The only time I remember my kids not eating was when they had mumps or tonsillitis and swallowing was painful. Then they got liquids, jelly and jars of baby apples or custard. The liitle buggers all started picking off my plate as soon as they could reach the table from my lap. They ate almost anything. #1 loved curry from 6 months. #4 ate pea and ham soup from 4 months….
Lol! We always cook fancy meals (well not really fancy – its actually pretty much economy meals but its usually made from fresh ingredients as opposed to processed foods – hence the fancy) and expect them to eat it. Curry, Stew, Spaghetti, Stir Fry is all good. Usually. They usually do eat it all, and often ask for seconds, but there are the odd occasions, for various reasons, that one or more of them decide they are not going to eat their dinner. Thursday night was one of these nights. Hubby had made a TOTALLY prime batch of chicken Teriyaki, and struggled through making it because he had a really stressful day at work and also was feeling very unwell. I dished up, and heaven forbid, I put a teeny-tiny dob of japanese kewpie mayonaise on top of the boys dinner. This, apparently, was enough to ruin the entire meal. Both Mr J and Mr S decided they didn’t like it, before they had even tried it. Then there was crying and whinging about how yuk it was. I cracked the shits and stirred the mayonaise into the meal, and they reluctantly began to eat, still crying and whinging about not liking it. Thats when hubby lost the plot. Boys got sent to bed with nothing else and their dinner was put in the fridge and given to them for breakfast, cold. They also whinged about eating this for breakfast, but knew better than to push it. When we had the left overs for dinner last night (without the ‘offensive’ mayo) the boys wolfed it down with no complaints. Kids are fickle, I tell ya!
One eats his and then his brothers. The other one exists on air and joy x
My 5 year old is a pain in the butt when it comes to eating her dinner. The 14 year old however now complains if he doesn’t get his weekly complement of meat and three veg. I hate cooking. Hate it with a passion. The Husband is a good cook. Shame he is working interstate for several months at the moment!
My kids eat their dinner, but only because it is the one area where I am a bitch of a mother. Eat it, or leave the table and let me eat in peace is the rule. They don’t have to eat it all, they don’t have to eat at all, but it is a long time until breakfast and I don’t provide anything else.
Being a shit cook sometimes it really is rather awful, on those nights we dump the lot in the bin and have fruit and ice cream.
The only thing that would make me say “I can’t wait until my kids grow up” is dinner time. I wrote about our Dinner Time Debacles recently (http://handmadetearsandtriumphs.blogspot.com.au/2012/07/dinner-time-debacles.html) We can never predict which nights they’ll gobble it up and which will end in tears. Oh the drama hehehe.
Mine are like yours. Picky, fussy, whingey. I haven’t tried sending them outside to eat. Yet. I like the idea of dinner or weetbix. Could be next strategy.
Thanks for the laugh 🙂
Like I said on twitter, I call these “Fuck off and starve then, meals”
And like Claire, if they do’t eat then there’s breakfast the next morning.
I’m too old and too tired to care beyond that. Oh, and they still have to clear the table and stack the dishwasher, because by then I’m ready to sit on the couch and have a glass of wine.
My three year old will virtually never eat anything for dinner. I have tried everything but now I give him a peanut butter sandwich + whatever we are having on his plate. The rule is, he has to sit at the table (I often have to carry him) but that what he eats is totally his choice. There’s nothing else unless he eats it. It makes mealtimes agonising and cooking a pain in the butt at the moment, but I have a 14 month old who is happy gobbling everything up, for now!
I have done this so many times over 18 years it would be physically painful for me to recount them. Not only for me, but for the sodding ungrateful family, that is. I’ve stirred risotto and taken an age over it getting the rice perfect and not slushy only to have someone say ‘I don’t like fish’ (it’s not fish it’s salmon!) and I’ve made curries that have taken almost as long to gestate as a human baby, only to be greeted with ‘it’s too spicy’. It’s frickin curry, what do you expect? But most of all I relate to telling the whole family to get stuffed. Been there, done that. Like your family they did eat it, eventually. I think they forgave me too, it only took a trip to the nearest Maccas. Vix x
I nearly always try and cook my kids a decent dinner with vegies and meat/other protein, some carbs. They eat it 60% of the time. Some days I can’t be bothered and feel so guilty dishing them up Baked Beans and scrambled eggs but they eat that stuff!!?? I don’t know, better they do eat that crap or not eat something healthy??
I nearly always try and cook my kids a decent dinner with vegies and meat/other protein, some carbs. They eat it 60% of the time. Some days I can’t be bothered and feel so guilty dishing them up Baked Beans and scrambled eggs but they eat that stuff!!?? I don’t know, better they do eat that crap or not eat something healthy??
Pretty much the only veges my 4yo eats is broccoli and green soya beans and potatoes. My 15mth old basically eats porridge, fruit and protein! Argh!