Advice for Vegemitevixens of the 21st Century (from the dreamers of the 20th Century!)
Diet – First up, it”s vitally important that you feed your brains and souls, not only your stomachs so don”t just eat fresh fruit and veges but add these superfoods to your diet and your soul will also grow up big and strong and healthy.
a)Wine – both a mood enhancer and counts as one of your five a day,
b)Good chocolate – contains calcium and the uber antioxident – caffiene.
Oh and never save salad. If God had intended us to drink salad he would have left us the recipe for salad soup.
Relationships – Never ditch your girlfriends for a boyfriend. Boyfriends are like buses, they come and go throughout your life, at irregular intervals, offering short trips of awe and wonder. Girlfriends are more like long haul travel, they”ll still be there for you when it”s 2am in your life and you can”t get your screaming baby to go down, or when you”re distraught because your latest bus has left with your best friend on board!
Don”t ever shine a little less in order to make your man appear shinier.
When it”s your time in the sun, revel in it, and don”t hide behind the storm clouds of a boyfriend”s ego. And when love gets serious, don”t stake too many expectations on the first time. It”s like that first swim in a cold pool at the beginning of summer – it”s really never the best. Better to wait until the 578th time when you know every outline of his body including the dent in his knee where he fell on a knife and that solitary whisker he often misses when shaving….that”s
when it”s sublime.
Don”t be too quick to shack up together, and remember that you have to like someone before you can properly love them. Well, that”s the only explanation I have for putting up with nasal hairs and dirty towels left on the bathroom floor every day of your frigging married life.
Most important of all, don”t forget that marriage is the addition of another person into your casino life, not the subtraction of your unique self from your own life.
– Don”t hurry to grow up. It”s not all that. You have more freedom to do everything,(but worry), when you are a child, so make childhood last as long as possible. Once you reach adulthood you”ll spend all your time wishing you could go back and be that free again. When you are old and able to go back to your second
childhood, it won”t be as much fun, and you won”t be able to climb the trees.
Career – Always remember a job is a two way street – it has to suit you as well as the employer. Don”t be afraid to walk away from a job that pays the mortgage but drains your soul. One career in a lifetime – I suspect – will not be enough for you. You will be way more interesting than that. For you I wish four lives each, at least.
Travel – You will never learn as much as you do when you travel. No, not even at University. Travel, run, follow the sun. Live where you can wear bare feet at least for half of the year, but also experience a white Christmas at least once in your life. Nothing helps you to understand your village more than seeing the human experience played out in difficult climes, circumstances and countries throughout the world.
Beauty – Don”t worry about how you look. About being too fat, or too short. You may be small in stature but knowing your Mum you will never be short of anything, especially not talent, wit, humour and good gin. Don”t be too hard on yourselves and don”t let fashion, the media, or the men in your lives dictate what shape to take. A good man won”t care what shape you are in, when you are in his arms and your legs are behind his ears!
Life”s a game – As you will no doubt gather, soon enough, life is not a straight line, rather it”s a maze full of funny mirrors and false exits and entrances. Don”t look in the mirrors for your sense of self, carry a strong imprint of who you are within yourselves. Trust your instincts, especially the one that says you”ve been this way before and you know which corner to turn.
Life really is all a game – more Risk than Cluedo – but a game nonetheless. It can be fun, it can be galling but in the end, if you keep your wits and sense of humour about you, you”ll play it with vigour, truth and integrity and it will all be worth it in the end.