My husband has so much work on at the moment which is a GREAT THING. When you run a small business you have to ride the ups and downs. At the moment it’s an up, but for me it turns into a bit of a downer as suddenly I’m thrust into 1950s housewife mode. And seeing that I am a crap cook, don’t iron and dislike anything to do with floors, it’s not my strong point.
This weekend I’m feeling it even more as with my husband away for work with one car and the other car forgetfully left at the mechanics – I am car-less with three small children. I feel like I am a virtual prisoner in my own home; locked in a house with three tormentors who are obsessed with me. Three tormentors who follow me around and demand things from me constantly.
I swear yesterday was the longest day in the history of all days.
It was such a long day that when my husband popped home in between work trips I high-fived him and legged it to the supermarket. Since when has doing the supermarket shopping on a Saturday afternoon been considered “taking a rest”?
So, instead of fielding my kids’ never-ending demands, I was wondering around the supermarket in a state of happy vagueness. I even stood aside when the dude started running, so he could pass me in the toilet paper aisle. I bet he drives a Holden Commodore and always speeds up when people try to pass him. He was a knob. I felt like yelling out to him: “Dude, chill out man, it’s not a race. Having to wait 5 seconds near the detergent isn’t going to shrink your balls. You are still a man. Now pass me the loo deodoriser.” But I didn’t do any of those things, I just stood aside leaning on my trolley thinking how wonderful it was to be all by myself. There was no way I was rushing home.
I even picked the longest queue to stand in. I wasn’t alone, there were women everywhere reading magazines with smiles on their faces.
As the extraordinarily slow checkout boy was putting my groceries into bags, I noticed the elderly couple behind me. They were in their 80s or maybe 100s. They were wearing the neatest, pressed, matching white leisure suits with soft, white leather shoes. He had a comb-over wig. I shit you not, a comb-over wig – is that what you do when you get to a certain age – get wigs that are age appropriate?
His wife had a purple rinse wig perched delicately on her small head. She was wearing pristine white gloves. I say pristine, but then she did it. She did something I was not expecting. She picked a booger out of her nose. I gagged a little, but got distracted by the fact I’d inadvertently stolen a bag of baked goods which I quickly scooped out of the trolley and handed to the checkout boy.
And then it happened, the Seinfield moment. The bag slipped onto the floor and as quick as a fox, the woman lent down and picked it up for me with the nose picking hand. The little snot sitting delicately on her gloved fingers.
I knew right then that it was time to put an to end my escape from house arrest and return to my own little people with their snotty fingers.
Do you escape to the shopping centre to get some time out or am I the only person without a full life?
I went shopping last Saturday night ALONE!!! It was wonderful and strangely busy, when I think about it, full of women! Is this the new it thing to do in our spare time? Maybe they need to install a small bar to sit at half way through….. Hmmmmmm, noes there’s something that’s never been done!!! I’d welcome it for sure! Lol at the boiger btw, gross! X
*booger not boiger!
I’m weird in the fact that I love grocery shopping. A full pantry fills me with a sense of security & happiness ( weird, I know!). I love it even more when I don’t have to take my boys, which is often now they are old enough to stay at home alone , because they have been know to wrestle on the ground in the aisle or take off their shoes & run & slide down the aisle like Tom Cruise in risky business. They also believe its the perfect time to ask for every chocolate in the shop, a new DVD or magazine. They are nuts!!
Lol. I understand! Although I have no (bio) kids, I take care of my two godkids, and my step-princess. If I bring them, and hubby–it’s really annoying. Sliding and karate chopping and skipping… And yes, full fridge and cupboards fill me with a sense of Security and happiness as well, lol. I stroll the isles and sing along to the musak. Then sulk all the way back home!
Lol I love going shopping without the kids. Going with them is stressful (and quite humiliating). Lol eeewee to the booger.
Right now, the Welshman has escaped to the supermarket for some “me time”. An hour in which he will not be badgered by questions, requested to play Pokemon games or play on the Wii by Boyo, or badgered by questions, requested to make cups of tea or put his clothes away by me. I’m kinda jealous.
ew.hahahahahah and then, ew xx
Lol, I used to do that, yes! But now I have no one to watch them so they go everywhere with me. At least they are getting old enough to not require much supervision. x
Always best to stick with the snot of our own kind. And beware little old ladies, always. Impressed that she bent so easily though!?
I’d give my… back to be able to go to the supermarket right now. My life or five days has been bed to shower to daybed to shower to bed. That’s even more torturous than my kids. x
ewww lol. My “new” thing now is doing the weekly shopping on my own. It’s the BEST. Just slowly walking around. I also find I spend less without the kids and husband with me. I’m just about to pop out now but thought I should comment on here first.
I loved this post right up until the nose picking. Our world has many, many disgusting things, but public nose picking, by an adult,has to be the worst. Thankfully I wasn’t eating dinner. Hooray for shopping alone!
Triathlons (and other races).
The kids cannot badger me for attention, there are no phones ringing, OH cannot make unreasonable demands, and the only ‘engine’ I am relying on is, uhm, my own.
Gang-stalkers do what you saw on purpose. The whole scenario.
oh darling, the supermarket is my little oasis too! A safe haven for Mumma’s. I just have a little issue, the Huz loves the supermarket too! I guess its working for himself too, always having to do just one more thing, on a long list of many things. All the things. I can’t even believe the pristine, purple rinse lady and the nose pick. But the booger, what was she thinking? OMG.