So this happened. I was at the local shopping centre with two of my children. They were both hyped on sugar. As it turned out, feeding them donuts before 9am is not the best idea. They were running ahead, giggling, squealing and randomly asking for shit they do not need – “Can we go on a ride?”, “Can we have a milkshake?”, “Can we have something to eat?”, “Can we get that princess statue?”. My brain was about to pop. They were like hyenas. I was like a lion ready to pounce.
And then I saw him, a young dude trying to stop unsuspecting people and engage them in conversation, so he could try and sell stuff to them. I immediately averted my eyes. Inside I was saying I dare you. It’s best to never get eye contact. Always approach them with speed and determination. Always “get distracted” at the the moment they try to talk to you. I am a champion at never being stopped. I am like a tiger. An invisible tiger.
This time, the guy thought he’d try a new tactic. He yelled out to me. He made a near fatal mistake. And this is why. He called me: “Super Mum”.
I stopped. I pointed in his direction and in my most menacing voice I told him to “NEVER call me Super Mum”.
He was very lucky I didn’t punch in him in the groin.
The moral of the story is don’t be a fuck face.