Forget socks. What I want to know is where do all the hair bands go? I mean it, where the fuck do they disappear to.

With three girls in the house, plus me, I buy a lot of hair bands. In fact, I reckon I purchased about one million hair ties last year. Today, I could find two. Yep, that’s right only TWO. What’s up with that?

I know approximately 700,568 hair bands get used to put plaits and buns in Barbie, Zealfs and My Little Pony hair. I know this because I AM THE ONE WHO IS FORCED TO DO THAT SHIT. And we all know those toys have little disregard for putting hair bands back in their rightful place.

I also know at least 100,000 snap just as you are about to finish putting up your kid’s hair in a last minute dash to get to school on time. They never break when you’re on time. Never.

And I know at least 5,000 are used to flick at one and another. Yes, Twiggy, I’m looking at you.

But what about the other hair bands? Where the fuck are they?

Seriously, there must be a land where all the odd socks, plastic Tupperware lids, clothes pegs and hair bands all live harmoniously together, laughing and pointing at us, while we scurry around on our hands and knees desperately trying to find a hair band to tie back our kid’s hair so no-one can tell you haven’t brushed it for two days. Assholes.

Right, I’m off to buy another pack of them.

I wonder if it was like this way back when – As Time Goes By

bigwords x