You’ve all heard people refer to MILF’s, Mother’s I’d Like to Fuck. It’s a well worn acronym. It’s designed to create another level of hysteria among women. Another set of unattainable goals for Mums to beat themselves up over. Another way to sexualise women. Another way to divide and conquer. It’s got a few of us in the blogging world talking. It’s made great blogging fodder. It’s lead to a whole round of I Still Would posts turning the MILF idea on it’s head and instead targeting older men you’d like to sleep with. Take Gillian’s post over at Cocktails at Naptime, Heather’s at Note From Lapland and another by Emma at Mommy Has A Headache.
Just the other day my mate, A Modern Military Mother, came up with an acronym of her own – A Mother I Would Have Fucked When She Was Younger But She’s Now A Bit Saggy Around The Edges – AMIWHFWSWYBSNABSATE.
It was her catchy acronym which inspired me to write this post. I even asked her if I could tackle the issue and she said: “Yes bigwords, you are brilliant, of course you can. You’re truly amazing”. Ok, that’s not true. She said she was busy and I could give it a shot. She truly is a woman after my own heart, a MMMGWILMWLF (a Modern Military Mother with Great Wit and Intelligence Lots of Men Would Like to Fuck). So here goes it…
bigwords guide to acronyms
MILFHTLGPOIDGMSADT: Mum I’d Like to Kiss but Her Top Lip’s Got Prickles On It and Don’t Get Me Started About Down There
DILFHBSHGPOHSIDTHSIW: Dad I’d Like to Kiss but His Breathe Stinks, He’s Got Poo On His Shirt and I Don’t Think He’s Shaved in Weeks
MILFHVLBFSCHBHAGB: Mother I’d Like To Fuck but Her Verandah Like Bit of Flesh She Calls Her Belly is Hiding All the Good Bits
DILFHTBBBSOEAIRRCPWTGW: Dad I’d Like to Fuck but He’s Too Busy BBQing and Buying Stuff Off Ebay and Anyway I’d Rather Relax on the Couch in my PJs Watching TV with a Glass of Wine
MUTILFBIDHETHSMTOWLAMTON: Man Under Thirty I’d Like to Fuck but I Don’t Have the Energy to Have Sex More Than Once a Week, Let Alone More Than Once a Night
DILFTTSCPIWIBU – Dad I’d Like to Fuck but There’s Two Small Children Playing with iPhones Wedged In Between Us.
MILFSGVOHSHBALQFSLALC: Mum I’d Like to Fuck but She’s Got Vomit On Her Shoulder, Her Boobs Are Leaking and Quite Frankly She Looks A Little Crazed
DILFDWAHSM: Dad I’d Like to Fuck but Didn’t We Already Have Sex this Month?
MILFBFIIFA: Mum I’d Like to Fuck Because Face It I’d Fuck Anything
I could keep going on and on, but I wont. Have you got any acronyms to add to the list?
I love the Matt Damon one!
WTF MF F’N TB (that last one is top blog, not teberculosis!)
I’m fucking Matt Damon
No, husband, I’m fucking Matt Damon!!
OMG that made me LOL.
DILFROHSMLTPUWBTBRFCSRTGIOCFYGAIRFMD
Dad I’d like to fuck, but Rafters is on, and I haven’t shaved my legs, and there’s a pile of unfolded washing that has been thrown on the bed and rummaged through to find clean socks, and really, the thought of getting it on on the couch is for the younger generation, and anyway, I’d rather fuck Matt Damon.
WDFHEBNIDFHEAL Was Dying From Heat Exhaustion But Now I’m Dying From Heat Exhaustion And Laughing.
Thats awesome. I’d describe myself as a DWWFITBALAKDB – Dad Who Wants to be Fucked but Is Too Buggered After Looking After Kids all Day to be Bothered. Or a DWWFEQJHW – Dad Who Wants to be Fucked but it’s Easier and Quicker to Just Have a Wank.
And by the way some of us really do prefer MILFs who have a few battle scars and droopy tits. Young and tight just doesn’t do it for me.
So clever! I am the last one – for sure!
Hilarious!!
How about DILTFBOTROINTTTECIOOTCWUATMIIR – Dad I’d Like To Fuck But On The Rare Occasion I’m Not To Tired To Even Contemplate It One Of The Children Wakes Up And The Moment Is Instantly Ruined
Ha ha ha!!! My two cents: DILTFBIBAIAGTVNT Dad I’d Like To Fuck But I’m Bloated and it’s a Good TV Night Tonight.
IWJHMDTY – I Will Just Have Matt Damon Thank You
Excellent! — DILTOFOWJRHHSH – Dad I’d like to Fuck, Oh Wait, just realised he has small hands.
YAOFL – You are one funny lady. IHTEMILFT – I hate the expression MILF too. AAMAIHTEYM – Almost as much as I hate the expression Yummy Mummy. ALR – Any Label Really. x
Bianca, you are a BILFIIHADOWTWITISWWSLLE …..Blogger I’d Like to Fuck If I Had A Dick Or Was That Way Inclined Though I Suspect We Wouldn’t Stop Laughing Long Enough.
I think we should HAGOW now. (Have Another Glass Of Wine)
You ladies are cruel !! See Berns comment ….
…. But funny
IDKWFTPORC I Dont Know What’s Funnier, The Post Or The Comments
WNMWYHIV Who Needs Men When You Have A Vibrator
ah ah, *I’m* fucking Matt Damon
OMFG, ROFL … cannot believe I’ve missed this all day. No wonder day was boring up until this point. BFH … Bloody Fucking Hilarious.
WILTFBIJASINSIJSIMBAWOPPUTATMUTMWAT: Woman I’d Like To Fuck But I’m Just A Sexually Immature Nerd So I’ll Just Stay In My Bedroom And Wank Over Pictures Of Uma Thurman And Then Mop Up The Mess With A Tissue.
P.S. I am Matt Damon.
IISYSABCTB? (Isn’t it Spartacus you should all be claiming to be?)
Bianca, Heather – Are you using ‘fucking’ as an adjective there, or as a present tense verb?
If it’s the latter, stop commenting and concentrate on what you’re doing or Matt might just lose interest.
OK – so I am A Mum Who’d Like To Be Fucked But That Involves Showering and Attending To My
Lady Garden and Not Wearing Grey Knickers With Holes In Them – MWLTBFBTISAATMLGANWGKWHIT
Which I guess makes t’husband: Dad Who Occasionally Gets Lucky When The Smelly Wife Can Be Arsed To Tackle Her Personal Hygiene Problems And Gets Round To Some Deforestation – DWOGLWTSWCBATTHPHPAGRTSD
By the way – is anyone checking these acronyms for errors – anyone with OCD and too much time on their hands? Just me then…
DILTFBWIOETBHM – Dad I’d like to fuck but wait I’m old enough to be his Mum
Thanks for the laugh! Hilarious!
DILTFWTLOAMECSICPHIMDOSW- Dad I would like to fuck, with the lights off and my eyes closed so I can pretend he is Matt Damon or Sam Worthington
I’m too tired to think of any good acronymns, never mind men I’d like to Fuck. No wait: TTTTOAGANMMILF. Did it 🙂
Thanks for this post, and all the comments. First laugh I’ve had all day.
DCDCDCDCDCDCDCDCDCDCDCDC…
hint: Daniel Craig
That is all.
LCM x
ooh stop it you brazen vixen you’re turning me on with all this talk of Moobs
what about DILTFIICSWTTWDI (Dad I’d Like to Fuck If I Can Still Watch The Telly While Doing It)
These are so funny!
BNM
WHETFIWSFCWAAB: Who has time energy to fuck? I would settle for choclate, wine and a book!
Well, I guess I’m going to be the party pooper or a very satisfied wife. How about ILMHAHSMBTAEEC
I love my husband and he satisfies me better than anybody else ever could!!
not a party pooper at all! Don’t get me wrong, my husband satisfies me too, he’s just been so busy “doing” Matt Damon and so have I!!!!
LHILTFIOHWNIA- short and sweet – lovely husband I’d like to fuck if only he wasn’t interstate again.
Bianca, you really make me giggle. xxx
Love both the post and the comments. Cannot possibly compete but maybe:
MILTFBHTICPLAWWTKPOUB?
Man I’d Love To Fuck But Have Turned Into Crazy Pet Lady And Wouldn’t Want To Kick Pets Out Of Bed
Gosh I’m already the one with the Dad under 30…
MDNT: Matt Damon? No Thanks!
*speechless*
And I thought you were such a nice girl!
LCM x
Forget the men. Can I just marry you? *swoon*