You’ve all heard people refer to MILF’s, Mother’s I’d Like to Fuck. It’s a well worn acronym. It’s designed to create another level of hysteria among women. Another set of unattainable goals for Mums to beat themselves up over. Another way to sexualise women. Another way to divide and conquer. It’s got a few of us in the blogging world talking. It’s made great blogging fodder. It’s lead to a whole round of I Still Would posts turning the MILF idea on it’s head and instead targeting older men you’d like to sleep with. Take Gillian’s post over at Cocktails at Naptime, Heather’s at Note From Lapland and another by Emma at Mommy Has A Headache.

Just the other day my mate, A Modern Military Mother, came up with an acronym of her own – A Mother I Would Have Fucked When She Was Younger But She’s Now A Bit Saggy Around The Edges – AMIWHFWSWYBSNABSATE.

It was her catchy acronym which inspired me to write this post. I even asked her if I could tackle the issue and she said: “Yes bigwords, you are brilliant, of course you can. You’re truly amazing”. Ok, that’s not true. She said she was busy and I could give it a shot. She truly is a woman after my own heart, a MMMGWILMWLF (a Modern Military Mother with Great Wit and Intelligence Lots of Men Would Like to Fuck). So here goes it…

bigwords guide to acronyms

MILFHTLGPOIDGMSADT: Mum I’d Like to Kiss but Her Top Lip’s Got Prickles On It and Don’t Get Me Started About Down There

DILFHBSHGPOHSIDTHSIW: Dad I’d Like to Kiss but His Breathe Stinks, He’s Got Poo On His Shirt and I Don’t Think He’s Shaved in Weeks

DILFHMBKGW: Dad I’d Like to Fuck but His Man Boobs Keep Getting in the Way

MILFHVLBFSCHBHAGB: Mother I’d Like To Fuck but Her Verandah Like Bit of Flesh She Calls Her Belly is Hiding All the Good Bits

DILFHTBBBSOEAIRRCPWTGW: Dad I’d Like to Fuck but He’s Too Busy BBQing and Buying Stuff Off Ebay and Anyway I’d Rather Relax on the Couch in my PJs Watching TV with a Glass of Wine

MUTILFBIDHETHSMTOWLAMTON: Man Under Thirty I’d Like to Fuck but I Don’t Have the Energy to Have Sex More Than Once a Week, Let Alone More Than Once a Night 

DILFTTSCPIWIBU – Dad I’d Like to Fuck but There’s Two Small Children Playing with iPhones Wedged In Between Us.

MILFSGVOHSHBALQFSLALC: Mum I’d Like to Fuck but She’s Got Vomit On Her Shoulder, Her Boobs Are Leaking and Quite Frankly She Looks A Little Crazed

DILFDWAHSM: Dad I’d Like to Fuck but Didn’t We Already Have Sex this Month?

MILFBFIIFA: Mum I’d Like to Fuck Because Face It I’d Fuck Anything

MILFSKFUMCWILTFAMTPCMHTDDDM: Mother I’d Like to Fuck but She Keeps Folding Up My Clothes When I Leave Them on the Floor and Asking Me To Please Comb My Hair and Turn Down the Doof Doof Music
OMILFHWTWHKGOADKBHAIRFMD: Older Man I’d Like to Fuck but He’s Way Too Wrinkly and He Keeps Going On About his Dodgy Knee and his Bowel Habits and Anyway I’d Rather Fuck Matt Damon
DILFAIDDPKBDSWHOLGERKAIWPCOMHS: Dad I’d Like to Fuck but After I’ve Done the Dishes, Put the Kids to Bed, Done Some Work, Hung Out the Laundry and Got Everything Ready For Kindy All I Want to do is Pull the Covers Over My Head and Sleep.

I could keep going on and on, but I wont. Have you got any acronyms to add to the list?