I’m having “one of those days”. I’m sure you know them. Feeling sorry myself, feeling let down, left out, exhausted, frayed around the edges. When I’m like this I shut down. I reach out in my own way – a blog post, an inspirational quote on Facebook, a picture of a the sky on Instagram, some passive aggression on Twitter – stupid stupidness. I internalise EVERYTHING. I over think ALL OF THE THINGS ALL OF THE TIME. I swing from being very gregarious, socially active and a creative thinker to being an introvert. You can tell when I’m in my rejuvenation stage. My hair is frizzy, my make-up non-existent, my clothes frumpy – a reflection of how I see myself – fat, ugly, boring and better off alone. And you know what, when I’m feeling like this, I am better off alone. I probably wont answer your phone calls or texts. And if you do get a response it will be short and upbeat. It will be a lie.
Like everyone who lives, things have been busy as per usual. Lots of work, not much money, lots of bill paying, much juggling. A group of friends are off a girl’s trip, I couldn’t afford to go. All treats have been put on hold. Money is being squirrelled away. On the upside, we finally ate those beans which have been stashed in the back of the cupboard for months. I’m not sure I’ll be able to face the tin of sardines though and how did they even get there?
Behind closed doors, I’m wrapping myself up with my family. I’m putting the heater on. I’m bunkering down. I’m lowering my expectations. I’m beating myself up about my own failings. I have many. I’m starting at the beginning and refocusing my energy. I’m going to do something for someone else today, focus my attention on someone who’s got it far harder than me. My issues are insignificant in the world, but don’t worry I know I am not. Nothing sleep wont fix.
I know exactly what I need to do, get the fuck over myself. I’ll toughen my armour.
What do you do when you face days like this?
bigwords x
Hi, I'm Bianca Wordley, I write about life.
Hide….. dont talk to anyone then cry. then go see my counsellor, go for a run, feel better then start all over again. Gosh, I wish I had caught you with you when I was in Rad’s for a chat, next time, big love spunky monkey xxx
Me too. How nice would have that been?! I think I might need to learn to run. xx
Thank you SO much for that!
I’m in a similar slump – questioning everything, including my marriage.
Trying to practice what I preach in reaching a balance – which I do sometimes – and then I feel like crap…well, just as you’ve written.
You’re awesome, by the way. Just thought I’d say that.
PS I need to learn to run too. 😉 x
Oh I’m so sorry to her that.I really hope you sort everything out and get to a good place again. I think running might be the go for both of us! xx
This is exactly what I have been doing for the past week. Hibernating. Crying all the tears. Feeling like I’ve failed in everything. It’s all BAD BAD BAD! Sigh.
But I love that you have typed these words, and I can imagine that you are already feeling lighter and happier having it out, rather than it silently gaining momentum in your thoughts. I have a similar blog post in draft about similar kinds of feelings. I think sharing your pain and connecting with others is such a huge relief.
As for armour, I like to think that sometimes removing all of it and giving yourself permission to be in a negative frame of mind can be really confronting, but valuable. Being boldly vulnerable may be just the strongest emotional position of all I think.
Don’t ever forget, you are fabulous and loved xox
I like the idea of being boldly vulnerable. I am feeling lighter and I did my mentor session with a student and that always lifts my spirits. I really hope you are feeling better – crying helps a lot. You have not failed at everything. You are kind and supportive and funny. take care and thanks for your lovely words xx
Days like this I keep on keeping on. For me they can be triggered by the tiniest little perceived rejection. And my whole sense of self gets rocked so much I retreat into myself all the while wanting to give the middle finger to the world and saying ‘as if I need you!’
Happily days like this pass and I have found a good night’s sleep cures most things 🙂
“triggered by tinniest little perceived” Nail. head. that. you my friend are wonderful xx
I reckon you know I’m like this too. I wrote something similar yesterday. I think I just try to focus on the big picture and control the controllables….put on some nice clothes, paint my toenails, make time to brunch with some awesome women. I think you’re awesome every day B. x
maybe that’s what’s needed more brunch dates. I always leave you feeling so very positive. You’re awesome too xx
The only problem with your beautifully written post is that I no longer feel as if I am the only person in the world to feel this way. I’m not special. I’m the same as everyone else 🙂 We all have these days and we all know that we have to find a way out of our slumps. I realised recently that most of my blog posts are a bit based from a sad place. But hey, I agree. It does help to get it out and see your thoughts in the written form. Good luck. Stay strong, etc 🙂
You are very, very special – don’t every forget that. big thanks sweetheart x
I have so been there. In fact I could argue I’m kinda flirting with being there right now… same story here – money’s tight, work’s difficult to find and do, too many bills…and it’s winter. Meh.
Meh. Exactly. sounds like we both need a burst of sunshine xxxx
I hide too. Such comfort to read that someone I like and admire has the same feelings as I do sometimes. I think you are fab, B.
oh well, shucks lovely woman. I admire and like you too xx
Here is what you can do ATM .. Google ” One Directions ” Lyrics or Pinks ‘to ” YOU DON’T KNOW YOUR BEAUTIFUL ” Turn it up really load and you and your girls dance around like crazy kids …It’s a great song and makes you feel good .. Do it ..Lots of Love Dixie .. If that doesn’t work go spend time in Audrey and have a Tea Party ..
Dixie – that sounds like the perfect solution. Dancing with the kids always works. off right now to get my groove on. thanks xx
Wine . . . no matter what the question, wine is the answer.
Ok, maybe not but it helps in the short time.
Gosh, it is SO COLD . . . and now school holidays!!! Eek.
I’ve been going to the gym and find that helpful.
Birdie
Yes wine does sound like a great option. and I reckon a session at the gym would be really therapeutic. x
I usually eat crap food & then feel even worse about myself . Shit cycle. I then do what you said & get the fuck over myself! I can’t stand myself when I’m in down mood.
I’ve got this on my bedroom wall ( along with a heap of other quotes that make me feel good about myself )
http://www.google.com.au/search?q=barney+stinson+quotes&tbm=isch&tbo=u&source=univ&sa=X&ei=D2nWUe7SNKWeiAfcpoDYDw&ved=0CDQQsAQ&biw=320&bih=504#biv=i%7C1%3Bd%7CmT4N9WuoocFfoM%3A
Because I am awesome & so are you!
Sleep well & hopefully tomorrow you’re feeling better xx
I LOVE that! You are awesome xx
I wish I knew some really good thing to say but sometimes you can fake happy to be happy. But can I be really boring and sound like the counsellor I am?
Check these 5 things:
Water : 2 litres
food: as many different coloured natural foods as you can eat
Caffeine: how much are you having a day, tea coffee coke?
Sleep: 8 hours? Every night?
Activity: doesn’t need to be exercise can be dancing with the girls loud singing also
If any of these things are lacking it can really make you feel overwhelmed. I know it sounds really simplistic but just try it….really honestly you will feel better. Xxxi am sorry you feel so awful. You are an amazing woman. Lets of people think so.
Oh honey you are so right. I’ve lapsed on my healthy eating/no drinking regime over the past two weeks and it really does impact on me. Time to jump back on. Your words rings true to me. Thanks so much for your kindness. I think you’re amazing too x
PS: We got your pillow yesterday – it is super fabulous. Everyone needs one of your pillows. http://www.etsy.com/shop/mybeardedpigeon?utm_source=CraftCult&utm_medium=api&utm_campaign=api
I relate. I like the music option – I love Florence & the Machines or ACDC if I need to change my emotional direction. Walking on the beach also clears the cobwebs. An instagram pic you posted not that long ago inspired me to try a new cafe out of my area & it was great to see fresh things – different streets, different houses, different people. Going to busy places sometimes energises me to. & your idea of helping others always boosts my ‘I’m a good person’ tank. Wishing you fun times and sunshine over the holidays.
Love your music choices – I go to the Beastie Boys and dance music for similar reasons. That’s really cool you tried a new cafe and immersed yourself in a different crowd – I agree that helps to switch your thinking. Thanks for your gorgeous comment x
Blimey … have you been sneaking a peek at my diary?!
Seriously though … I totally relate to everything you’ve said here. It’s so very soothing and comforting to know it’s not just me who falls into a hole sometimes and struggles to get out. The hardest part for me is remembering to be kind to myself. The nasty me enjoys bullying the fragile me when it happens.
Thank you for sharing. Sending love and light your way :o)x
Jo @ BabbleOnCity
We need to get our nasty mes under control!! I hope you emerge all shiny and new soon. Thanks xx
It’s nice to know I’m not alone because every so often a day like this sneaks right up on you and bites you on the butt. I like to go for a run. I should rephrase, I don’t like to go for a run per se, but I do like how it makes me feel! Running is cheaper than therapy and just like meditation on the move. It’s totally YOU time and even better if you can move to some hard and fast tunes. If running isn’t your thing, then a walk will work wonders – set those endorphins free! It’s great being outside with nature, a little sunshine and fresh air go a long way! Just remember, you were made to be awesome!
I reach for something comfy, like a Seinfeld episode to escape into someone else’s life for a while. A light hearted life.