Twice this week, I’ve been forced to bite my tongue. OK, I lie. I didn’t bite my tongue at all, but I didn’t start an all out brawl.
You see, if you’re new to bigwords, I have three children. I have three children who like to kick off their shoes as soon as they get into the car. We put them back on again when we get out of the car, but invariably they are kicked off again shortly after.
They like to walk barefoot. They like to feel the ground they walk on.
So do I.
In winter, it is not as hard to get them to pop their boots back on. Cold, wet feet are not nice.
Once the sun comes out, it is a different matter altogether. Shoes become a hindrance.
Twice this week, once at the markets and once while walking along the footpath at the beach, we have had complete strangers angrily shout at us: “Put shoes on your children”.
Twice this week, I have refrained from grabbing them by the collar, pulling them in close and whispering in a menacing voice: “Fuck you and you backseat parenting”.
Do you ever encounter backseat parents when you’re out and about?
How do you handle them?
bigwords x
Hi, I'm Bianca Wordley, I write about life.
FFS! That would piss me off. I am not a shoe person either and as a kid always had them off, which was a bit grotty on a farm (ie helping in the sheep yards, eewww, squishy).
I think because I look like an angry tranny people think twice before offering “advice”, a curse and a gift in one ; ) xx
Shoes? That’s all these people have to complain about??? They need to take a chill pill. Bare feet are good!
I was waiting for a train with my 4month old daughter a few years ago, she was sucking on a pacifier. I was told by a woman at the station that pacifiers were awful and that parents that used them were lazy. And then she lit up a cigarette, right next to us. I said “yeah, well pacifiers never killed anyone, but second hand smoke sure does”, and stormed off. Argh!
My kids do the same thing!
I’d tell them to piss off! Really I would because who the hell do they think they are to dish out advice to strangers? Im not good at keep my mouth shut so while in my head I’d be saying ” don’t say anything, just ignore them”, inevitably my mouth would just yell out ” puss off idiot, they’re kids, MY kids, they’ll wear no shoes if they want”.
Ugh, my son spent most of his outdoor birthday party (in May) shoeless (he HATES them) and the next week I was showing a work mate photos of the day.
Cue sharp intake of breath, and a muttered ‘I hate seeing kids with no shoes on…’.
Oh fuck off judgey judge pants.
I am like your children and hate wearing shoes. Thankfully, in my small tourist town a lot of people walk barefoot in summer. I have encountered a number of back-seat parents when my kids have had meltdowns in the supermarket though *sigh* I would have a meltdown if someone sat me in front of my favourite chocolates at the checkout (when I was tired) and told me I couldn’t have them. I’m surprised *I* don’t have similar meltdowns in the bottle shop 😉
I hate shoes! I totally agree that no one should be telling you how to parent!
Even worse when you encounter ‘backseat parenting” from family… In my case from mother-in-law. My most hated thing when I am out and about is how many people tell me my son looks nothing like me, I have even been asked if he is adopted.
http://iliska-dreams.blogspot.com.au/
I think it starts as soon as they are born- people telling you what to bloody do!!
My first experience was standing in the queue at Kmart with my 2 month old first born daughter and being told by a complete stranger that I should put a blanket on her because she was clearly cold. Way to help my confidence – thanks a lot…
That was six and a half years ago, yet I still haven’t figured out a way to respond to this type of thing – and gosh doesn’t it happen a lot!? I would like to be able to walk away from the encounter feeling calm and satisfied, having communicated to the other party that their advice is unwanted and annoying.
“Grabbing them by the collar, pulling them close and whispering in a menacing voice: “Fuck you and your backseat parenting”.” I love it!! I know I’ll never do it, but wouldn’t it be nice to try just the once…
i’m not a parent so have never encountered backseat parenting but i can comment on the no shoes thing. i only wear shoes when i need to. i never wear them at home, have been known to nip out of the shops barefoot and i still remember when i was living in England and my husband and i went out for the day on a “scorching” English summers day and i walked through the centre of a English seaside town barefoot and you would not believe the looks i got!!
when my cousins were growing up, they are roughly 15 years older than me, Australian children had the healthiest feet in the WORLD because they used to get around barefoot and NOT cram their feet into shoes. their feet were healthy and forming exactly as they should rather than how wearing shoes make them.
YOU know your children best, ignore the naysayers and enjoy letting your kids be kids!!
x
I have, when my son was young (5 weeks) and was crying. From 3 weeks – 4 weeks he was fasting for an operation and the whole time all he had was a dummy – he was on a drip so he was getting nutrients, but it’s not the same, obviously – I had some “well meaning” older woman tell me to “Give that boy a dummy!” and well, in my fragile, first mother state who’d just had a son have surgery to reopen his stomach, I left her have it about how it was all he had been able to have for a week and there was no way I was putting either of us through the trauma of forcing a dummy on him again.
I’ve even got a blog about different things I’ve encountered here: http://tattoomummy.com/2011/09/09/open-letter-to-the-helpfuls/ and I was nowhere near as polite as you 😉
x
I have never encountered this back seat parenting of which you speak…maybe it’s something to do do with my deeply forbidding countenance…or the fact that it’s very f***ing rude. I would never dream of commenting on someone else’s parenting (except my husband’s, but that’s different, right?).
FFS people, is there so little in your own life you have to tell other people how to parent their children?
I am not a shoe person. I love bare feet. At work I have a shoe basket for all the shoes and socks kids take off when they arrive.
Bare feet are good for us all if you ask me.
Once I lost my shit. Like REALLY lost my shit… so much that I couldn’t see.
Normally I just give them my patented MB2 withering glare and look them up and down and that is usually enough.
People like that are idiots.
OMG, for real? Some people clearly have nothing else better to do. How rude. I’m a barefoot-at-home kind of person and so are my boys, especially in summer. It makes sense anyway, FFS, given our climate!
I’ve never had anyone say anything to me, but I’ve certainly had plenty of ‘judgemental looks’ from a few over the years. In my mind I was slapping them silly – and as much as I would have LOVED to rip them a new one verbally, it wasn’t an option at the time.
People in South Africa, any skin color, will go to the grocery store, walk up a mountain, or go to university classes barefoot. They live.
Wow. those people need to go do something fulfilling.