I’ve been wanting to write a blog post for awhile, but haven’t. At first I put it down to not having the time and then I put it down to not having anything interesting to write and then I put it down to no-one really wanting to read what I’ve got to say anyway.
Blogging is a fast-paced world. As soon as you blink another gazillion new blogs have started and many of them are much shinier, instructional, visually pretty and whole lot more vanilla than my blog. It’s a crowded marketplace and if you stop blogging for a month or two suddenly everyone’s moved on to the next big thing. Not that I was ever a big thing. I’m big, like my arse is big and my “pregnant looking” belly is big, but in terms of the blogging sisterhood, bigwords has always been a small fish in a massive fish bowl.
So, recently I began thinking to myself that perhaps it was time to close this blog of mine. I mean everyone does it at least once and then they magically reappear a few months later saying “I was wrong to stop blogging”. NO, I was actually thinking that I’d run out of things to say. You know like mega, now “retired” blogger Dooce.
I’ve been feeling uneasy about it. I love my online space. I truly love it, but when you no longer think in blog posts how do you recover? How do you sit down and pour yourself onto a blank page? How have I ever felt comfortable doing it? I know it scares a lot of people around me. They simply don’t get why I do it. They are private people and it has caused divisions, not because I have ever written about them – I never would, it’s because they don’t understand my need to over share and the whole topic makes them uncomfortable. And why would people care about my personal issues anyway? For reasons unknown to me, but clear to them we don’t hang out as often. Which is fine by me.
You see while blogging is often misunderstood, it has opened up a world of amazing friendships and networks for me. It’s afforded me some amazing experiences. And without it, I probably wouldn’t be working in the job I am today. Luckily, I am able to combine my blogging life with my work life and there’s some exciting things coming up which I’m really proud of. Yet, still it doesn’t explain why I feel like I have nothing to say.
I think partly the reason I feel void of words is because I am out in the world again, working. I have work colleagues. They read my blog. I feel nervous sharing as much as I did before. Despite the fact they could easily be read a whole host of super cringeworthy blog posts I’ve written before taking up this job, I feel a little scared about sharing the insides of my slightly nutty brain now. It never bothered me in the past. It does now. I think I may have lost my nerve.
And then the more you don’t write, the less you feel people even want to read. So then topics I would’ve written about in the past somehow seem silly or boring now. I need to snap out of this malaise or soon I will wake up and all my passion for my blog will be gone. And then my blog will be gone.
I feel it slipping away from me, while all I can do is stand here helplessly screaming: “Baby please don’t go”.
I want this blog so bad. Can anyone help me break my downward spiral?
Is anyone out there?
I’m here. I love your words. The way you write. The contents of your head and your heart. Baby, please don’t go. x
Right back at you sweetheart of sweet hearts x
There are no rules that say you need to blog all the time is there? If there is then I’m screwed! Some weeks there’s a few post, others only one. I think if you really want to keep this space then do. If the words only find you every now & then quickly grab then & get them down. Those of us who love you will always smile when they see a new post pop up in their feed. Doesn’t matter if the post is weekly, monthly or every few months I’ll still be here on the other side of the computer reading x
And then you come along and make my heart burst xxx
It takes time to find a new groove (for me it was fewer posts) and to be comfortable with a different level of what you share. A few of my colleagues read my blog and they’re really positive about it which is nice. Please don’t stop writing. I love your words. Ignore the stats. We’ll still be here:)
That’s so fab to hear. Thank you so very much X
Your mojo isn’t leaving you B. It’s taking a break. Don’t shut anything down. Don’t do anything. When you have something to say, you’ll say it. I long ago stopped blogging for the sake of it. When I have something I want to say that’s longer than a FB update, I write. Otherwise, I leave it be. Do the same. You wouldn’t force yourself to eat ice cream if you didn’t feel like it. This is the same. Your blog should be a joy. Partake when the craving hits xxxx
You are so very wise and kind. I am so appreciative of this community xx
I’m so here, ladylove. I know that feeling you’re talking about, and am just coming out of something similar myself. You have to write when you have something to say, and not force it when you don’t. You’ve had loads of big changes lately, and if you’re writing for work, maybe you’re exhausting your writing muscle a little bit. But I bet it gets match fit again soon and you’ll be back in the saddle. If that’s what you want, of course.
I’d miss you if you went away. You’re pretty special. xx
It ebbs and flows doesn’t it. I know you get it. Much love x
rewibd it back to the beginning, B. Just do what we used to do ‘cos we loved it. That’s what I do. x
Rewind. Obvs. x
Blog for happiness not because I feel I have to. Sounds perfectly sensible. Love ya x
Yep – I had this battle about 12 months ago when work really ramped up for me. Sometimes after a busy period with work my brain just wants to be quiet and reclusive and I’ve learned to stop battling with it and let it be. Kerri is right though – suddenly my brain decides it has something to say and then I let turn to my beloved blog again. Just go with it. xoxo
Got it in one honey. Thank you so much xx
Don’t leave! I love reading your stuff and I don’t mind how long it takes for you to post again. Do it because you want to, not because you HAVE to. Don’t do it to please us, or even think about us when you write. Do it for you xx
Oh Kelly thank you so very much xxx
You’ve just summed up how I feel about my own blog. I haven’t posted anything for an eon (work, life, got divorced etc etc) but I soooo want to. Your blog was the very first one I read and it inspired me to start mine, so if for only that reason alone, baby please don’t go! I like what Kerri said, just write when you’ve got something to say. We’ll all still be here 🙂 xx
Oh Sarah what a ride you’ve been on. I hope you find your groove soon too. Thank you xx
Baby please don’t go, you know I love you so!
Mate, have a break, give yourself a break. We’ll see you on the flip side! xx
You sing so well honey ; )
You always do.
We are living a parallel life: mine is just more sweaty up here.
I don’t know how to start again.
I still think in blogs, but they are getting shorter.
Soon they will be FB posts, then tweets, and finally just .
I’m here! And I’ll be here whether you blog three times a week, once a week, once a month or once a year. Do whatever works for you x
You are awesome. Thank you x
I’ve had a rough couple of weeks where my words and fashion just feel so insignificant and not important in the big scheme of things. Watching a friend breathe through her last few days on this earth and my words just feel empty. Of course they will come back just as your will gorgeous. I think we sometimes put pressure on ourselves to blog but what I know is there is no rules, your blog is yours and your tribe will always be there waiting…some may move on but your words will attract new people and that in turn will feed you. What others think of you is none of your business, just write and those who matter will be there. People will always judge and whisper wether in everyday life or blogging, just write because your words matter x
Oh honey. Sounds really rough. Love and light to your friend xxx
Hi Bianca, you don’t know me and probably never will , except through your blog. I am a 50+ mum (only just lol) living in the suburbs, who loves., absolutely loves it when I see a new blog from you. I read it, then I smile, or nod along in agreement or shake my head in disagreement . Either way, I love it . Don’t stop please.
Hello darling, you must stay… do not go away, just pop in when you fancy…. I thinking working out of the house is a huge deal and will undoubtedly change the way you blog… but the beauty of the blog is that it’s always there waiting for you, as are the readers…
I’ve just finished doing a part-time job which I couldn’t have done if I hadn’t been blogging (a new autism adults website). I think the regular contact with adults at work meant I didn’t need to connect much online. But that’s finished now and it’s good to be more at home and more online… anyway, good to read more blogs too and to say g’day!
I think this may be the first time I’ve ever commented on your blog but I love reading it. Blogging has been an amazing journey for you and just because it’s changing doesn’t mean that it has to end. Everything in life changes and evolves – and you know that I will always be there for the ride. Lxx
Bianca, I can identify with so much of what you’ve written. I stopped and started and stalled out a number of times. For reasons you mentioned (working full-time and feeling awkward about sharing intimately with colleagues) and reasons specific to my situation (my ex and safety). I felt those same feelings that you have articulated. But I’ve also discovered that writing is just too important to me, too central to who I am, to walk away from it, and that silence is more painful than any repercussions I might face from writing. I feel the fire and confidence building back up in myself again, but that didn’t happen overnight. It’s taken me a long time to process what I was feeling and come to this place. At this point, I’ve been out so long I’m pretty much starting from scratch. Anyway, I think that there are natural cycles to blogging. The highs are wonderful with the constant inspiration and positive feedback. The lows can be debilitating when we feel like our words are insignificant. I think in the end, we each need to decide what exactly it is that feeds our soul and move in that direction. Maybe it’s changing things up a bit, taking a break or just pushing through. I am confident that you will find the right answers for yourself. x
What everyone else said!
I’ve been neglecting MY blog too – sometimes life just shifts and that happens. It’s not as if you’ve been sitting around doing nothing while your blog just sits there. You got a great job and now have to adjust to all the changes that brings – and we’ll all be here when you get back to blogging. I was delighted to see this land in my email this morning, and when I read it, I totally got it!
I’m slowly getting back to mine – illness flaring, exhaustion with that, and just not wanting to write about THAT…so I didn’t. Even maintaining the FB page didn’t happen – and there are ways to do that without writing a whole blog post. Meh. They’re both still there, and I’m starting to want to do it again, so I will. And so will you – when you’re ready. x
You do have a “large” and appreciative audience. Keep writing when you are ready.
I AM! I have always, always loved your words…and your thrashing out of stuff…and your reflections and your candour. In fact, that’s why I love you! Now, I also understand your conundrum. When you were ‘at home’ working you could dip in and out of social media and blogging..but now it’s your work it must feel a little like more ‘work’. That said, why not post when the moment grabs you to do so..I’ll be here as will those whose comments precede mine! Hey, girl..you got comments!! That is blogger gold.
I was only thinking today, that I have been blogging (and flogging my various blogs) for almost 5 years and nothing has changed for me…sure a little sponsorship way long ago, going to conferences, meeting YOU, and making connections..but blogging hasn’t brought me anything other than what I count as real. People. I blog because I like to write, post pics and add my views to the world out there but mostly I blog to connect.
PS Moving house, retiring, leaving behind family meant that this year has been a dreadful one for me emotionally but it is settling somewhat…i knew that I needed a focus of some kind to ‘help me through’ and I committed to blog each day. Which I have… every.day.2015.
I’m out here, and hoping you find your grove, whatever that may be. Sending you hugs xxx
Now listen here young lady – it seems to me you do a huge amount for a huge number of people and like all of us mums, you sometimes feel you spread yourself too thin. You’re not doing enough for YOU. You do so much for others and feel like you do none of it well. But you know what? You do everything well and you write about it and share it in a space where you have found an empathetic audience. If you stop, not only will they all miss out, but you will too because this blog is your expression. You need to lighten up on yourself – you have a fabulous quirky view on this world and a great talent for connecting. Don’t pull that plug out. Soldier on and just write whatever – we’ll forgive any prattle!!! If you stop, you do run the risk of losing something that you’ve created and for which you have been widely acclaimed. This is you. Push through this little drought because that’s all this is – a little drought which is symptomatic of a hectically busy life. You’ll always have something to say – bigwords is just that. So pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and get cracka lackin’! ps. here’s an idea – why don’t you invite others to do some writing for you? You could do that for a few months – you’d have total control, but it would mean that you’d have the content to keep the space alive. You’ve got a big enough profile – I’m sure if you put the word out there, you’d get loads of submissions. ‘Topic: woman/work/child – see what comes back?? Big hugs from a newby blogger who wished she had your size following!!!! x
I don’t blog, you don’t know me…but I love reading your thoughts. Thanks for sharing yourself xx
Write like no one’s reading, and don’t worry about what your blog is or isn’t. When I finished up my old blog, it was because I just wanted to go back to the reason why I started blogging in the first place: to just write what I wanted to write WHEN I wanted to write it. I don’t care if no one reads my new blog AT ALL. It’s my space for me. If people read it, then lovely. If they don’t? Whatevs. No skin off my nose! 🙂
Little fish, big pond, I completely get where you are coming from. My mentor group suggested we blog entirely for the month of June like no one is reading. Not entirely useful at avoiding work colleagues I know, but it helped me get back to why I blog & that is purely the joy of writing & creating, nothing else xx
I feel exactly the same. I haven’t written in months and I wonder if anybody noticed?
I worked out of the house for 7 months and the words just didn’t come. There was no empty brain space to think in blog posts, no energy to play with words, to need to socialise online, as I was socialising in real life.
Now that the job is finished I am so relieved. I look forward to having words again. I’m seeing snippets of blog posts in my head again. And I think blogging the way you do, they way I do, is so important. It’s so important that we see inside each other’s heads and lives. See that they’re not perfect and shiny, see that we’re not alone. I miss blogs like yours. Please don’t go.
Write down all the things that mean the most to you or that you love. Current issues, family, work EVERYTHING and then write about these. Whenever I’ve come to your space here I can relate to what you write. Your blog may not be vanilla but it’s chocolate. It comforts me and makes me feel good when I absorb what I read. Hope you have a lovely weekend with your family. Xx
I’m feeling your pain! Suffering from a bit of writer’s block myself, but I heard two things recently that’s helped me push on:
1) my 15 yr old daughter, when I asked (in reference to my emerging blog idea) ‘who’s going to read it?’ She replied with wisdom beyond her years ‘Who cares? You write for you, not for them’. (I produced her??? 🙂 )
2) I saw a talk online from Jim Carey at some university graduation. He was giving them a pep talk about embarking on life after study. He said ‘Your need for acceptance can make you invisible in this world. Don’t let anything stand in the way of the light that shines through this form ( ie, you). Risk being seen in all of your glory.’
Keep writing! You have a gift – if people don’t want it, their loss! Do it for the enjoyment of writing 🙂
If you leave me (my inbox) I will cry. Baby please don’t go. You speak the truth and that my cyberspace friend is a rare and beautiful thing. Ox
Hellooooooo can you hear me? Over here… I struggle with the same issues & check & check again every single word in case a colleague or a customer reads my blog & thinks badly of me- or thinks I’m talking about them. I’ve just self published a novel & I have anxiety tummy dips at the thought of someone I work with reading it & reading too much into it. It’s ridiculously irrational, but it’s how it is. I love your words- please keep writing them.
See all these comments ?? It’s not for nothing.
Keep on doing your thing but only blog when it’s from your heart, or gut, or joy, or rage. That’s when you do your best stuff….and who cares who reads it or doesn’t read it ?!
One thing for sure is that I’ll keep checking to see if you’ve shared your thoughts…and I don’t mind if it’s months between blogs…as long as what I’m reading from you is authentic
For what it’s worth.. or not worth, I love your blog. I find your posts hilarious and lovely and I enjoy them. That’s all I got.
So lovely to read your post and all the comments and to realise that it completely normal to have ebbs and flows on your blog, especially when it is not a full time gig. I haven’t blogged for ages even though I have a few good posts. Its just that if I start writing right now, it will distract me from the work and study I should be doing. I like the advice of writing because it makes you happy and because you want to, not because you HAVE to
I hate that you feel this way, but I hope writing about the malaise helps the shift.
How often your words come isn’t as important as the way people connect with you when you do have words.
You are Big Words. You just are. Whenever those words are there, I’ll always let them in.
You know I love you so, so baby, please don’t go.
Hi Bianca! You have lots of readers and believers and I guess it’s enough for you to continue blogging. As long as someone reads and believes in you, there’s no reason to feel demotivated. Believe in yourself too 🙂
Hi Bianca. This is the first time I’ve found/read your blog, but given the zillion comments above, your blog clearly has a strong following. So firstly, don’t give it up! When I started my blog, I downloaded Pip Lincolne’s online blog course notes, and one of the first exercises was to write down ‘Why do you want to blog? What’s in it for you?’ For me, it was about getting into the habit of writing regularly, and writing for an audience, however small that audience was. For you, it might be something different, but whatever it is, if it’s still important to you, then keep at it. Also, I’m interested in your Oxfam blogger engagement strategy. I used to work at an NGO for four years (ABM in Sydney) and then quit to study Chinese, but next year I’ll probably start looking for NGO work in Melbourne again. Anyway, let me know more information if you want. x Isabel